A Series of Unfortunate Events

Kari Bou is sweet. Kari Bou is cute. Kari Bou is a destructive force to be reckoned with.

About a week ago, Danny took the older two out to run some errands so I could get some things done around the house. I was getting ready to stick some bread in the oven, when something caught my eye. I turned around to see my little Kari Bou, sitting by the open door of the pantry. She had managed, in the 2 minutes my back was turned, to pull down a box of chicken noodle soup - the kind with the packages of powder and dehydrated noodles & chicken - to chew open one of the packages, and to dump its contents all over the floor and herself. Even more disturbing: she kept scooping up handfuls of the stuff and cramming it into her mouth, and then licking her hands. I guess she really likes chicken noodle soup powder.

But that was nothing compared to her stunt this morning.

Since setting up our Christmas tree, we've had to reprimand her several times for taking / playing with ornaments or pulling on the branches, but I had just breathed an inward sigh of relief, thinking she was actually doing much better than expected. Of course, we had hung the fragile and breakable ornaments toward the top, and left "safer" items near the bottom.

I was trying to get the kids' shoes on so we could leave for WalMart, and had to run out to the garage for about 1 minute to get something from the car. When I came back into the house, I discovered the remains of a glass ornament near the dining room table. It was completely shattered. I swept and cleaned the floor, figuring the culprit had to be Karis, although she was nowhere in sight.

Just then, I noticed some reddish splotches on the floor at the opposite end of the table. Upon closer inspection, I realized it had to be blood, and then noticed more of it on the doorframe, wall, chair and fridge. I ran to the living room, where Kari Bou was playing with a puzzle. Her hands, and the puzzle, were a bloody mess. I later counted about 3-4 small cuts on each hand. It was like when you cut yourself shaving, and the cut refuses to stop bleeding. I couldn't get the blood to stop; meanwhile, she had gotten it on her clothes, my clothes, the sofa, the carpet, and several toys. I kept wiping and cleaning her hands, to no avail. It must not have hurt her, because she didn't even seem to notice anything was different.

I know this sounds ridiculous, but it was the only thing I could think to do under the circumstances. I grabbed the softest mittens I could find and duct taped them to her hands to keep her from pulling them off. I figured that way the blood would be contained at least, and she didn't seem to mind.

So by the time I disinfected everything in sight, stain treated her clothes, changed her diaper (because, of course, she had done her "Mommy is trying to go somewhere so I'm going to poop now" routine in the midst of all this), put new clothes on her and gathered everyone up to leave, it was about 10:00, and I was already exhausted. I'm still trying to figure out how in the world she managed to reach that crazy ornament. When Kari Bou is after something, watch out - she WILL figure out a way to get it!

And the hits just keep on coming . . .

Schizophrenic Holiday

Thursday the Miller clan gathered at our house to celebrate Christmas. If you've ever tried combining 2 holidays, you know how tricky it can be!

I couldn't bring myself to remove the pumpkins from the porch or the fall wreath from the front door. But since it was supposed to be Christmas, I lined our kitchen cabinets with greenery, set out a small lighted Christmas tree, and got out the nativity. At least it was festive - even the dinner table paid tribute to both holidays! We had a fall centerpiece and Christmas plates, napkins and cups. With the weather so warm, it felt like we were celebrating Christmas and Thanksgiving at Easter.

The turkey - my first ever attempt - turned out to be edible, to my extreme relief. We had so much food I nearly hyperventilated trying to figure out where to put it all, and finally decided that before the next time Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner is at our house, we're going to need to put in at least one more kitchen. I am thankful, though, for a basement large enough for us all to gather and open gifts.

By this time next year 2 more cousins will have been added to the mix. Sarah & Anthony announced they are having a girl (although the sudden appearance of various pink outfits on their registry had clued several of us in already), and Hannah & Kenneth will have a boy in February. This has come as good news for Zekers - he won't be surrounded by princesses and mermaids forever!

Friday I got up at 5:15 and shopped until about 11. The sales were a little disappointing compared to last year, but at least most of our Christmas shopping is now complete. (Oh, who am I kidding . . . there will never be a year when I won't be running out the day before Christmas to get the last couple of gifts.)

After lunch we went to a Christmas tree farm and the kids "helped" Daddy cut a tree. I'm still scratching my head trying to figure out how exactly we set out to cut a 4-foot tree and came back with seven-footer. They just don't seem as tall out in the field! The good news was, we only lost Zekers twice.

Rach & Zekers helped me decorate the tree while Danny put up our outdoor lights and greenery. (Every once in a while they'd take a stuffed animal and run outside to "go on vacation.") Then we all had dinner at an actual non-fast-food restaurant, thanks to a gift card we've been saving. Is there anything better than having someone else fix dinner every once in a while?

Saturday was Thanks-giving with the Wrights. We had the traditioinal and delicious "manicotti" - which was a welcome change after 2 days of eating turkey. (We had so much left over, I was trying to figure out how to add some to the kids' eggs or breakfast cereal). It was so warm, the kids played outside most of the afternoon and into the evening.

The highlight of the day was a duck that wandered into the next door neighbors' yard and ate some crackers the munchkins gave him. All the other cousins were trying to be extremely quiet so as not to scare the duck away, but not Zekers. He kept yelling, "COME HERE, DUCK!" at the top of his lungs. After deciding he was tired of waiting for the hapless fowl to approach him, he began chasing it around the yard. The wierd thing was, they both ran pretty much the same way - sort of a fast waddle.

It's funny how the atmosphere and mood of an evening can change so quickly - from the idyllic drive home looking at Christmas lights and listening to peaceful music, to Zekers throwing a tantrum on his bedroom floor and doing such a long "no-breathe" cry that his lips actually turned blue. (His mean, abusive parents actually had the gall to try to put him in pajamas).

It's been such a fun weekend . . . sometimes I wish there was no such thing as Monday!

Top Ten Things I Never Expected to Hear Myself Say

10. "Sweetie, we don't pick our nose while we're standing in line for the Dragon Wagon."

9. "Please take your brother's toe out of your mouth."

8. "If you come out of your room naked ever again when we have company over, you're going to be in BIG trouble."

7. "For the 100th time, Kari Bou, stop beating up your older brother and sister."

6. "That's not a bath toy - it's part of your anatomy."

5. "Come on out of the dryer, Buddy."

4. (gasp!) "Spit out Mommy's plant, right now!"

3. "Just because Daddy smacks Mommy's bottom, that doesn't mean you can do it, too."

2. "OK, lets try and scrub that poop off your neck."

1."Zekers, take Mommy's panties off your head and come eat your dinner."

Walking in the Rain Isn't as Romantic as it's Cracked up to be

Yesterday I woke up at 5:30 (due to the shock of getting 7 uninterrupted hours of sleep, no doubt). Hearing the rain falling softly outside my window, I decided right then and there that an early morning walk would be just the thing to start off the day.

I love rainy days, most of the time. In movies, rain makes even the most mundane moments seem dramatic - or at least incredibly romantic. In the rain, flight becomes more desperate and betrayal more treacherous. Conversations take on greater significance as emotions are heightened. A kiss in the rain becomes a thing of transcendent beauty. The most powerful, climactic scenes generally seem to take place in the rain.

I don't know what I was expecting (or, I do, but I'm just too embarrassed to actually say it!). What I got was a very dark, very cold, very wet walk at an ungodly hour on a Saturday morning. What started out as a gentle sort of drizzle quickly turned into a blustery downpour. It was not fun. It was not romantic. It was not redemptive. I turned around after walking less than four blocks. How can you leave your house feeling like the heroine one moment, and come slogging back home feeling like a complete moron the next?

Sometimes I just have to sit down and have a good laugh at my own expense . . . feel free to join in.

Another Day in Paradise

It's been a good weekend.

Friday Rach & Zekers spent the morning at their friends' house, giving Danny & me some much-needed time to run errands, rake leaves, change the oil in the truck, and spend quality time with Kari Bou - and each other. We picked them up and drove from there to do a little Christmas shopping. It was one of those rare times where I had a list made out, knew exactly where I wanted to go, and bought exactly what I set out to buy. (Generally I find all sorts of great things on sale and spend way too much, then freak out about it all the way home.) The kids even got to hang out at the mall's new play area while I relaxed and ate a pretzel. On the way back, we had dinner at McDonald's - all five of us - for $13.93. Coupons are a beautiful thing.

Saturday evening we celebrated Grandmoo's birthday (the kids call her that because of her deep love of cows) at LaRosa's, then hung out some more with the fam back at the house, had old fashioned sugar cream pie, attempted to take some pix with all the cousins, and scrambled to get everything breakable out of Kari Bou's reach to prevent her from breaking another lamp.

Sunday, we visited a recently-planted church about an hour south of here, and then Danny and the pastor left for a 2-day church-planting summit in Columbus. The service really touched my heart, and God gave me the added gift of talking with a couple of very good friends from high school, who now attend the church, and who I haven't seen in years. It was actually like a mini-reunion. It's funny how you can miss someone and not even realize it until suddenly your lives touch again and the years of being apart just sort of melt away (until you meet their school-aged children for the first time!).

That evening, I attended a pastor appreciation "shrimp boil" hosted by a group of church friends. It is humbling and touching beyond what words can express to be with so many people who genuinely care. And it was fun getting to know a couple of our newer staff members a little better. Even though it was strange to be there without Danny, the night was like a soft blanket: the laughter, and the sharing, and most of all the HUGS - warmed my soul to the core. A couple of the families even recruited their kids - both high school seniors - to babysit for free!

Today the kids have made it their personal mission to test me to the limit. Zeke melted down in the car because Rachel wouldn't stop calling him "Sir Oliver Cheeks" and Rachel busted a large container of yogurt at Kroger, then letting me know that "That's why you don't let a child carry yogurt around, Mom." Karis now has three large scabs and one goose egg on her noggin to add to the 2 bruises from yesterday. She also got her hands on my cell phone and called my sister; once we figured out what was going on, we ended up having a very nice conversation.

All in all, times are good. I thank God for Danny. I thank God for our precious children. I thank God for extended family, for old friends and new ones. And I thank Him for a way to preserve these things, to write them all out, so that they won't be forgotten.

Costume Conglomerate

We went to a costume party on Saturday - what a hoot! We borrowed an Elton John costume from some friends for Danny, I wore an old '80s outfit I had up in the attic, Rachel went as a "mer-fairy", Zekers was a cowboy, and Kari Bou went as "the cutest pumpkin in the world." She didn't retain her stuffing long enough to let me get a good close-up.

By the end of the night, Rachel had accumulated a top-notch mer-fairy costume, complete with mullet, teeth, and granny glasses. For some reason, it sort of put me in mind of the show "Ugly Betty".

Embracing the Mess

It's been one of THOSE days. The kind where you instinctively know that anything you set out to accomplish is just going to be one more exercise in futility.

The morning started out OK. Since the time change, the kids have been getting up around 6 - 6:30, but that's OK, since I've been setting the alarm for 5:30, and generally only letting myself hit the "snooze" button once. It makes a world of difference just having a little time to myself in the AM, instead of the day rushing up on me, in the form of little people in footed pajamas, while I'm still in bed.

Today Karis had an appointment at our pediatritian's office to receive her second flu shot (Children getting the flu shot for the first time have to receive it in 2 "installments."). For us, it's a 40-minute drive to the office, and the parking lot is currently being reconstructed, so about half of it is blocked off, which makes finding a parking spot a bit of a challenge. We finally found one - so far away from the building that it took us nearly 10 minutes to walk to the main entrance and get to the third floor. I took all three kids in, hoping the visit would be fairly brief.

It was brief, alright. We'd been there several minutes when a nurse came out and informed us that Karis couldn't get the shot because it hasn't been four weeks since the first one. I couldn't help asking the obvious, glaring question: "Then why in the world was our appointment scheduled for today?" She just shrugged - after all, she wasn't the one who'd wasted an entire morning getting three kids ready and hauling them to the doctor - and said, "Somebody must not have been paying attention." Well, there you have it. That definitely sets my heart at rest - especially coming from the establishment that I've entrusted with the MEDICAL CARE of my CHILDREN!!

And it's been downhill ever since. Upon arriving home, I attempted to load the dishwasher, but every time I opened it, there was Kari Bou, climbing in or trying to grab a knife or licking a dirty bowl. Then she got a kick out of opening every drawer she could and trying to climb in. Also, Rach and Zekers are going through some kind of nurturing phase, where they love putting their dolls and stuffed animals to bed, covered up with dish cloths and towels from the kitchen. The ones they don't use end up on the floor, along with all the plastic containers and cookware Kari Bou has scattered around. At this point I've thrown up my hands in despair of ever having a house that isn't completely trashed. But at least Kari Bou's escapades made for some cute pictures. Live in the moment, baby.