yada yada yada

I'll keep this short:

Last night, around 6:30, as we were getting ready to go to LIFE group, I had another attack, surpassed only by the attack that put me in the hospital 4 weeks ago. Besides the pain and "flushing", several new (non-blog-appropriate) symptoms cropped up.

The good news is:

1. My appointment with the GI specialist is scheduled for tomorrow at 1:30 in Beavercreek.
2. I am feeling much better this morning and able to function pretty well.
3. Our family doctor said the new symptoms may have helped him to figure out what's going on. He's going to be talking to the specialist about running some additional tests.

God has been working on me, telling me to swallow my pride and just let you know that I can use your prayers right now. All this stuff scares the kids (especially last night - for the first time it happened while they were awake), and puts a lot of extra stress on Danny (which he won't admit to, but I know it does). And it's not too pleasant for me, either. So if you have a chance today & tomorrow, I would really appreciate your prayers.

Another Day

It's been one of those days.

I love my children dearly, and wouldn't trade them for the world; but there are days when the idea of hog-tying them together and then just leaving the house for a while seems very appealing!

For the past 2 mornings, they've hit the ground fighting. They know exactly how to push each other's buttons, and at times seem to get endless entertainment from it. Usually we've found that days which start off with a spanking tend to go more smoothly than days which don't. But that was not the case today. While trying to feed them breakfast, do their hair, dress the little ones and get Rachel ready for school, I gave out 3 spankings. And things just got worse from there.

I had about a dozen "quick" errands to run this morning. Ha! Three young children + lots of rain = slow and frustrating shopping. They picked at each other. They whined. They cried. They had to go potty about every 10 minutes. They splashed in puddles and got soaking wet. They cried some more. They took off their shoes and socks in the van while I was driving. Finally we were finished with most of the errands and had only one left - Wal Mart.

Nearly the entire time, Karis defied everything I told her. She ran so far out ahead that she nearly got lost; she and Zekers tried to play hide-and-seek among the paper towels and ended up knocking almost all of them out into the aisle. She lost her flip-flop and neglected to tell me until several minutes later. Most of all, she would not leave Mr. Moo alone. Strapped into his seat, he was helpless to avoid the kicking and smothering she dished out. By the time we got to the check-out, I'd had it. I told her, in no uncertain terms, that if she so much as touched her brother again she was getting a spanking. Which, of course, she did.

As soon as I informed her that a spanking was forthcoming, the floodgates opened. She brushed up against Malachi and looked at me, so I told her she was getting one additional whack. More tears and loud sobbing. It was my turn in the checkout line. The cashier glared at me reproachfully, then proceeded to ignore the abusive mommy and speak only to the poor little girl with the puppy dog eyes. "Are you sad, Sweetheart?" she asked. "You're much too pretty to be sad." (Evidently, only ugly people deserve to be sad.) She continued her sympathetic comments to Karis until she handed me the receipt, at which point the tone of her "Have a nice day" indicated she would much rather have said, "Fall off a cliff."

We headed to the van, where Karis got her spanking (I'm always prepared!). I can't say things have been that much better since, but to quote Scarlett O'Hara in Gone With the Wind, "Tomorrow is another day!" (There's another, more well-known quote from the same book/movie that I would like to repeat when they whine to me about how unfair their lives are, but I haven't . . . yet.)

I love how in the midst of the most trying circumstances, God brings little bits of humor to provide bright spots that keep me going. After one spanking this morning, Zekers came out to the living room and gave the following apology: "Karis, I'm sorry for smacking you in the face with the gecko. Will you forgive me? Rachel, I'm sorry for hitting you on the head with Mommy's kneeling pad. Will you forgive me?" And they just went on like it was nothing out of the ordinary to be smacked around by a stuffed gecko or a kneeling pad. . . . and I suppose it wasn't. (The "kneeling pad" was given to everyone who attended the True Woman conference last fall, and I have to confess, although I DO pray, I have never used the pad. The kiddos recently discovered it and love to play with it - mostly as a weapon, apparently.)

Also, there is nothing funnier than hearing Kari Bou, who pronounces her R's like W's, try to say the word "rubber." Since she repeats herself about 15 times, even after her comment is acknowledged, I was in a helpless puddle of laughter after the third time she said, "Mommy, I think this (kneeling) pad is made of rubber," and laughed harder each time she said it, which, of course, inspired her to say it even more.

So here's to laughter, and here's hoping that tomorrow is another (very different) day!

Unbelievable

Normally, I wouldn't put up 4 pictures of clothing tables. But I'm showing you this because I just could not believe it.

Our moms' group had a clothing exchange today. Whoever wanted to get rid of kids' clothing sizes 0-6, brought it in and set it up on tables, arranged by size. Then we all looked through the clothing and took what we needed. Last year, I brought some girls clothing and ended up going home with a bagful of clothes for Malachi. This year, though, I decided it was high time to give away ALL of the clothing that Karis and Malachi have outgrown.

So Danny and the kiddos and I went to the church last night and spent several hours laying out clothes. And here they are. I could not believe the sheer volume of little outfits that have just been laying around in boxes!

It was so fun to be able to help each other out this way. I'm a total mush bag when it comes to cute outfits my kiddos have worn - each one holds sentimental value for me. So I think it is one of the coolest things seeing little outfits that were hard to part with on other kiddos we know and love. And we have lots more space now! Woo hoo!

Oh, and I did come home with a couple of things for the kiddos: summer PJ's, some cute shirts for Rach, and . . . . a jester hat for Moo, which he must love as much as I do, since he wore it all afternoon, in spite of 80-degree temps. It made me sweat just looking at him. But it's darn cute.

OK, these pictures below are of JUST our clothes . . . and this morning, many more were added by other moms!

Oh, How the Days Go By

I was just noticing that I used to post a lot more when I first started this blog (which was over 3 years ago . . . weird).

Also noticing that I need to change the above picture, but Rachel's bus is coming. It will have to wait - again!

If I wrote down everything (or even just a small fraction) of what's in my head and on my heart at this moment, I'd be here until the wee hours of tomorrow morning. So I'll just let the pictures tell the story; and each one certainly is a story all its own!

I do feel compelled to share that my heart is overflowing with gratitude. I feel better than I have in a very long time - and I have Christ to thank for that. Of course, I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that for the past 4 weeks I've eliminated coffee from my diet, and cut way back on sugar (among other things) . . . . NOOOoooo! Plus, on warm, sunny days like today, my soul just revels in the beauty of God's creation, saturated with new life!

After a lot of prayer and going back and forth, I finally made an appointment with a GI specialist for May 1st. I've been doing a little research online, and the more I read, the more questions I have about all of this. So I figure I'll go see the doctor once and try to find some answers. "And that's all I have to say about that."

One more thing I want to say: with each day, I am more grateful for the 2 families God has added to our pastoral staff. Recently, Jodi, Isabel and I - and all our kiddos - got to spend some time hanging out, and I realized afterward just what a blessing they are to me. I'm glad God, in His sovereignty, has placed us all together and I'm excited at the prospect of serving with them for a long time to come (if God wills it).

And now presenting . . . some moments from our week:



At our last moms group meeting, we talked about freezing things ahead. So the kiddos and I spent the day making cookies, spooning them out (or rolling them into balls) and freezing them in bags of several dozen each. It was so much fun (especially licking the batter afterward), and now we have dozens of cookies that I can pull out of the freezer and pop into the oven!


I could write pages on this. Last weekend we had our first ever Grace women's retreat. The bummer is - I didn't take my camera!! So I have no photos from the actual retreat, but after I came home, I just had to capture the creative gifts of several women on the planning team. The weekend was a gift from God, and it made me doubly grateful to be part of His family. I left challenged to live more purposefully and to invest my time and energies in that which has eternal value. How incredible is it to get away for 2 absolutely Christ-soaked days?? I'm so thankful that Linda and Diana had the vision and gave so much of their time and energy to help this happen.



The kiddos had some friends over earlier in the week and everyone played dress-up. Funny story: I am not a very crafty person. So, every time they come over, Micah asks to do a craft. (My friend Erin - his mom - is one of the most crafty and creative people I know.) I scramble around, trying to find glue sticks and scraps of colored paper and other supplies and feeling like a total loser because I'm the only mom who doesn't do cool crafts with her kids and their friends. He always asks specifically for popsicle sticks, which I, of course, never have on hand. Well, this time, we happened to make a trip to Wal-Mart right before they came over, and I, determined to turn over a new leaf, loaded up on popsicle sticks and a few other craft items. I had everything sitting out on the table ready to go. "Are you guys ready to do a fun craft?" I asked, bursting with pride at my preparedness and creativity. At which point he wrinkled his nose and said very emphatically, "NO! No crafts today!" So . . . we now have lots of craft supplies. Maybe we'll get them out in the fall!



OK, Mr. Moo is living up to my term of endearment for him: "The Little Tank". His new hobby is tackling his brother - and we're working on teaching him that there is a difference between a hug and a body slam.


Karis received some handed-down sandals from a friend who's a few years older, and I'm half expecting her to request that she be buried with them someday! The second she gets out of bed, she puts them on, and can't wait for this weekend, when she'll finally be allowed to wear them outside.


She also received a pink parasol this week. I'm glad it's finally stopped raining, so I can take a break from constantly trying to explain the difference between a parasol and an umbrella.


A chip off the old block . . .


The kiddos got to spend some time playing with friends - one for each of them.



Moo and Seth pretty much just played around each other. I love this age - so cute and fat and funny.



I love this one of the 2 older boys - although Zekers came out of the tree with his pants pretty much shredded. (Note to self: nylon and bark do not mix!)


Mr. Moo and his "happy eyes." Danny and I also decided that he has "Mater" teeth. (Watch Cars and you'll see what I mean.)

Rooms, Rugs & Resurrection Sunday

Mr. Moo is officially a big boy! About a week and a half ago, he and Zekers spent their first night in the new bunk beds. It's almost been too easy - Mr. Moo LOVES his bed so much he just snuggles right down and usually sleeps through the night. The only bummer is that he used to sleep until 8 in the morning, and he wakes up at least an hour earlier now - this morning he was up at 6:30. The other kiddos know to look at the clock and stay in bed until 7, but it's next to impossible to get an 18-month-old to follow this concept!

He's pretty darn cute in his "big boy bed", though. Every night, we sneak in to check on him around 10, before we go to bed (I know - we're getting old), and he's usually on top of his covers, feet on his pillow and head at the wrong end of the bed. We turn him around and tuck him back in, and that's where he stays until morning.

So the really exciting thing is that now we get to make the girls' room ultra girly!! Saturday we hit McDonalds for dinner and then bought a pink rug and a comforter for Kari Bou's bed, now that the girls are sharing a bunk.

Here are pictures of the newly-finished "Cars" room Zekers has had his little heart set on:

We got the bunk beds and dresser at IKEA several months ago.




The "accent wall"


Feelin' like big stuff


Both the Good Friday communion and Resurrection Sunday services were very meaningful. I love that so much of the music we sing and all of the messages we hear are so Christ-centered; I was struck by the thought that this day is certainly special and a good time to do some extra reflecting, but really it's just an extension of what we celebrate every Sunday - so cool!

We had lunch with my parents, my sister Sarah and her daughter Addie, and my sister Hannah and her family. The picture above is all the cousins together after their egg hunt. Good grief - where did my little Rachel go?? I can't say it feels like time is flying by, but man, how they've grown this year.

Boring Health Update

I feel I need to put this down, to document it and to let long-distance friends know what's been going on the past several days, weeks, and months, but I hate talking / writing about this stuff. I can tell you the what - it's the why that's messing with my mind.

I learned long ago (and repeatedly) that the "why" of a thing isn't necessarily going to be revealed. That it's a matter of trusting in God's goodness and faithfulness even (especially?) in the midst of uncertainty. Yet here I am again, having this same truth hammered into me - again. Oh, Jesus, I do trust You; still, there are questions . . .

Thursday morning, February 18th, I had the first of a series of what I can only call "attacks". Gnawing, burning, mind-numbing pain, during which I go into the bathroom, close the door and roll around on the floor, whimpering like a pathetic puppy. It becomes difficult to move. I haul myself to the toilet and alternate sitting on it and leaning over it for the better part of an hour. I actually welcome this because it takes my mind off the pain for a while.

Some attacks (they occur about every 7-10 days) are more vicious than others. About 2 weeks ago, the pain was so severe, I actually prayed that God would knock me out or take me home. About 4 hours later, I found myself in the ER. It was the most painful, humiliating night of my life. I'll spare you the details. I don't know what I would have done without Danny, who sat there all night with me, until the doctor finally came in around 6 AM.

It's been uphill from there. The next day a scope revealed that I had a severely inflamed duodenum (first time I ever even heard the term!), the top part of the small intestine. The doctor felt it was probably caused by the same bacteria that causes bleeding ulcers. I felt so much better, just knowing the what and the why of all this (and being on quite a few different medications!), certain that now I could put it all behind me and get on with my life.

The next week, the biopsy results came back that this was not caused by a bacteria, or any other discernible thing. My mind began spinning with questions. What happens when I'm done with the meds? Will the pain return? Will I have to live the rest of my life without eating Italian food, or having a burger with kechup, or worse still, without drinking coffee?? I'm not kidding, I actually began mourning at the thought of a lifetime without my favorite legal addictive stimulant!

And then the second blow: I had 2 more attacks while on the meds - a pretty severe one Wednesday night, and another, less severe one yesterday morning. The bad ones wipe me out for an entire day, and the not-as-bad ones, for at least half a day. It's just frustrating and humbling to know that I have no control over this. My appetite returned after coming home from the hospital, but fear has been stronger than hunger.

I guess the most difficult element of all this has been the realization that my body is getting older. For heaven's sake, I thought this was supposed to be the "prime of life" - and now I find I'm weakening and wearing out and it may just get worse from here!? Maybe I don't want answers after all!

Danny & I have decided against me seeing a GI specialist unless I have another severe attack. In the meantime, this is forcing me to take one day at a time and depend on God and on other people like never before. It's hard to acknowledge my own weakness and it's hard to need people - but being on the receiving end of cards, meals, help with the kids and concerned phone calls has been a huge blessing in the midst of humbling circumstances. There is much to praise God for.

I may never know the why or the how to prevent this from ever happening again; but what I do know is that I'm grateful for increased health and strength in the last few days. One day at a time . . .

Snippets

Instead of doing a bunch of different posts, I thought I'd try and cram it all into one!


Bragging Session

For months we've been planning to redecorate the baby room and make it into a room for the boys. We've been slowly accumulating furniture and supplies, and waiting until Malachi turned 18 months (tomorrow!) so he could occupy the bottom bunk. But as I looked over the calendar 3 weeks ago, my heart sank. Not one free weekend - not even one free day of any weekend - until mid-April. We had all this cool stuff just sitting there waiting to be done and no time to do it!

Last Friday I left for a women's retreat near Mansfield, OH with some friends from the church we attended in Columbus, before moving to Greenville. When I returned on Saturday and went into Mr. Moo's room, I couldn't believe my eyes: my wonderful husband had spent the entire time I was gone (including ALL night on Friday/Saturday) painting the room. On the accent wall, which we had decided to paint Dynaco Blue to go with the "Cars" theme Zekers chose, he had painted Lightning and Mater, using a projector and a picture he found online! He actually called an art-teacher-friend from church, found out what he needed, hauled the kids to Hobby Lobby to get supplies, mixed up all the right colors, borrowed a projector from the library (I didn't even know you could DO that!) and went to work almost from the moment I left until the moment I got home.

At first I was a little disappointed - I'd been looking forward to working on this project together and the mural took me a little by surprise. But then I woke up and realized that: 1) there really is no working on any project together with four kiddos running around! and that 2) he'd sped up "opening day" for the new room by probably a couple of weeks at least. Plus, for a guy who claims he doesn't have an artistic gene in his body, I think he did an amazing job!

We put up the border that was supposed to go around the room (I ordered it online and somehow read "5 YARDs" instead of "5 FEET" - big difference), and voila! I count it a success based on Zeke's reaction when he saw it.

April Fool

Uh, that would be me.

I need to document this story simply in the hope that I will go back and read this before April Fool's Day next year and avoid making the same mistake two years running . . .

I'm not usually big on April Fools Day jokes, but while sitting at dinner I was struck with a brilliant idea. I motioned to Danny to call my phone, which he did. I answered it, had a short "conversation", and after hanging up, explained to the kiddos that AWANA would be canceled for the night.

Now this was no ordinary night. The Sparks (Rachel's age group) were having hot wheels races all night, and the Cubbies (Kari Bou and Zekers) were doing a sailboat regatta and big wheel races in the gym. Zekers had been looking forward all week to the ice cream sandwiches they'd been promised for dessert.

Well, when I made my announcement, Rachel's eyes filled with tears. "Why, Mommy?" she wanted to know. "Well," I kindly replied, "Your leaders are just getting tired of AWANA and wanted a little break." As soon as the words left my mouth, the floodgates opened. I was expecting some whining and some attitude, but not the crocodile tears and wails that burst forth from all three of them! Trying frantically to backpedal I yelled, "April Fool!!" to no avail. The tears came harder and faster, the sobs louder. I felt about 2 inches tall. When they finally stopped crying, and I realized that my genius joke was more mean than funny, I resolved never to pull another stunt like that again. . . . at least not for another year.

Bad Mother of the Year Award

So we then proceeded to AWANA. We have LIFE group after dropping off the kiddos, and our 2 babysitters rode with us and helped take the kiddos into the church. Malachi almost ALWAYS stays with Danny in the van, but this time he wanted so badly to come that I got him out and he toddled in, holding hands with one of the girls. We ran the 3 kiddos to their rooms and were heading back out to the van when I realized . . . he wasn't with us anymore. Oh no! We ran back into the church and split up. He wasn't in the auditorium or any of the Sparks rooms. Just then, Susan, the Cubbies leader, came around the corner with him. Apparently, he'd decided he was old enough to be in Cubbies and was busy coloring with the "big kids". At this point I truly wished for a hole to open up underneath me so I could disappear into it. It hasn't happened yet, but I know the day is coming when we'll leave one or more of them at church on a Sunday . . .


Silly and Sweet

This morning was too sweet NOT to photograph. Malachi is definitely ready to sleep in his own bunk bed. He climbs into Zekers' all the time and pretends to sleep (for about 3 seconds). This morning he was running around the house naked, as usual when I try to change his diaper, and crawled into bed with Zeke, who wasn't quite awake yet. Everyone ended up in the same bed after a few minutes - some in PJ's, some half-dressed. They made this jumble of sleepy, laughing little faces that made me smile and grab the camera. I love these moments.

I got brave and let Zekers pick out his own clothes this morning. He was off to a great start - shirt and pants actually almost matched. And then he decided to complete the look with his favorite tie. So this is how we went to Bible study. He put this tie on just after breakfast, and I believe it's still around his neck. Oh, how I love my sweet, silly family!