"Captivating" part 1: Does God Need Me?

This is part of a series of reviews on John & Stasi Eldredge's book "Captivating." To start at the introduction, click here.

It’s nice to be needed. I can say fairly confidently that my husband needs me, and my three children need me. Hopefully, a few friends would say they need me as well. But how badly does God need me?

This becomes a theme throughout “Captivating” – the image of a weak, impotent God, dependent on decisions I make. Consider the following statements:

How many of you see God as longing to be loved by you? We see him as strong and powerful, but not as needing us, vulnerable to us, yearning to be desired (pp. 28-29).

From beginning to end, from cover to cover, the cry of God’s heart is, ‘Why won’t you choose me?’ (quoted on p. 29, from John Eldredges’ book “Wild at Heart”)

It might come as a surprise that Christ asks our permission to come in and heal . . . In order to experience His healing, we must also give Him permission to come into the places we have so long shut to anyone (p. 100)

Even as I type these words, I cringe at the error they contain. Any need for relationship that God has is perfectly fulfilled by the Trinity. Throughout the gospels, Christ repeatedly speaks of the love and perfect unity He and His Father share. When he exhorts us to seek Him, it’s for our benefit, not His!!

Read Ephesians 1:4-5. “HE chose us in Him before the creation of the world . . . HE predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with HIS pleasure and will (not ours!).

One more quote to think on:

Reading George MacDonald several years ago, I came across an astounding thought. You’ve probably heard that there is in every human heart a place that God alone can fill . But what the old poet was saying was that there is also in God’s heart a place that you alone can fill. ‘It follows that there is also a chamber in God Himself, into which none can enter but the one, the individual.’ You. You are meant to fill a place in the heart of God no one and nothing else can fill. Whoa. He longs for you (p. 120)

From childhood I have been a huge MacDonald fan, but I have to acknowledge that the Bible clearly contradicts his teaching on this point. Read Acts 17:25. “And He is not served by human hands, as if He needed anything, because He Himself gives all men life and breath and everything else.”

God doesn’t need us – we need Him, and desperately. We should be falling at His feet, begging Him to heal us. Thinking the reverse morphs the Creator of the universe into a weak, needy God – certainly not the all-powerful God seen throughout Scripture.

This is not to say that God doesn’t love us as powerfully as a father loves his children. He is not distant, removed, watching us with a cold eye as we bumble through life.

On the other hand, He isn’t some jilted lover:

As the old saying goes, ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.’ That’s just how God acts when He isn’t chosen . . . A woman’s righteous jealousy speaks of the jealousy of God for us (p. 30).

God doesn’t collapse in helpless rage when He isn’t chosen. When Israel, His own people, rejected Him repeatedly, He firmly but lovingly brought them back to repentance time and time again. Oh, how thankful I am for His justice, His mercy, His grace. He is totally in control, yet totally approachable.

“For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received a spirit of sonship, and by Him we cry, “Abba (Daddy), Father!” The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children” (Romans 8:15-16).

Wow! An all-powerful God looked down upon me in my filth and ugliness and chose to love me as a son . . .

Coming soon: Women and Beauty

Coming Soon: "Captivating"

Several recent discussions with friends have given me a much needed kick-in-the-pants to finally write out my thoughts on a book I finished a few weeks ago, called "Captivating". This book was written by John & Stasi Eldgedge as a sort of female companion to "Wild at Heart." It's purpose: "to let you know that the healing of your feminine heart is available, and to help you find that healing" (p.96).

I began reading John & Stasi Eldrige's book, having heard both glowing reviews and grave concerns from a wide variety of people about its contents. And if you have read "Captivating" I invite your comments. I would love to know whether you agree with my take, disagree, or a little of both - and why. I'd like to give you some initial thoughts, and then discuss in several separate posts what I feel are several important issues the book addresses.

If you haven't read "Captivating" I'd still love to hear your thoughts on these issues!

Why? Since the birth of our first baby, I've often used the excuse of children and a busy schedule to let my brain begin to atrophy. As wives, mothers, sisters, grandmothers, friends, and women who are trying to follow hard after Christ, it is vital that we run every concept through the grid of God's Word, that we read actively and think critically about what we are taking in, and that we continue to sharpen each other.

First off, let me just say that I really like Stasi Eldrege. Her transparency about struggles with weight, self-image, and a blemished past; her quest to help women discover their true beauty; and her desire to understand God in new and fresh ways - all of this drew me to her. She is someone I think I would enjoy having a long conversation with over coffee.

She begins by highlighting both the deepest fear (abandonment) of women, and their greatest desires (to be romanced, to play an irreplacable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty). She explains that the motivation for much of what we do and say is obtaining an answer to our core question: "Am I lovely?"

While I definitely agree with the book's premise, there are several concepts I'd like to take a closer look at: some, because I like what the Eldredges have to say; and others, because I cannot in good conscience ignore the faulty theology used and the Scriptures taken out of context. In any case, it should make for some good discussion!

I must conclude for now, as my house is being torn apart by three little tornadoes as I write, but more is coming soon . . . !

Little Distractions

And I was just wondering why I never seem to make much progress on guitar . . .

Diaper Update

Just wanted to give another shout out to all of you who had a part in the surprise truckload of diapers dumped at our house last August. After nearly 8 months, we still have two huge stacks! I'm starting to think this may be like the oil Elijah gave the widow, that kept replenishing itself.

A huge thank you also goes to Eva, Keagan and Anna for the bags and boxes of clothes they've given Rach & Zekers, and to our wonderful family who has given much more than I can possibly go into in one post for all three of the kids. We're so grateful - God has given us much more than we deserve!

Photo Ops

Well, we've been getting some grief for not sending an update and picture of the kids to the Grace magazine. So I am going to show all you complainers (and you know who you are) just why a picture of our three darlings has never made it into the hands of Grace Magazine personnel! Below are our best attempts . . .




(The "hill" in the background is Danny under the quilt - it's a nice touch, don't you think?)



I guess we shouldn't expect too much; after all, it did take over an hour to get a decent picture of Zeke at Sears. If we ever do get a good pic of all three, I'll be sure to post it - and send one in to the Grace Magazine!

8 X 24 = ?

I read in the Dayton Daily News this week that Keiffer Sutherland has signed on for 3 more seasons of "24".

I wonder, after bringing Jack Bauer back from the dead (again), and writing the president into a terrorist conspiracy involving about 60 cannisters of nerve gas, where do we go from here??

All I can say is: if the next three seasons are any more intense than the current one, my heart may give out altogether by the middle of next season. . .

All I Ever Needed to Know About Passover I Learned from the Rugrats

Some dear friends gave us a book for the kids several days ago. This book, "Let My Babies Go," features the Rugrats and retells the Passover story using children and babies. Our friends, although disturbed by some elements of the story, gave it to us knowing we would undoubtedly change these things around as we read aloud to our munchkins.

The next day, however, I was gone for the morning & left them with a sitter, who ended up being asked to read this book so many times she could pretty much quote it verbatim (as could my darling little ones). Oops. Given Zeke & Rach's excitement at having a new book; given their love for repetition and the fact that I completely forgot to mention to our sitter that she might want to reword a few sentences; Rach & Zekers (& maybe even Kari) ended up learning a few things from the Rugrats about Passover.

I'll bet all you Bible scholars never knew that:

1. Pharaoh was an ugly blonde-haired girl.
2. Pharaoh spotted baby Moses (who could speak in full sentences) from his royal barge and took him to the palace.
3. The Egyptians chased Moses into the desert because they were so angry when they discovered he was a Hebrew.
4. Burning bushes can talk all by themselves (sans Divine Intervention!)
5. A few of the lesser-known plagues found in ancient manuscripts include the plague of lice and the plague of wild beasts.
6. The Israelites took 'matzo bread with them when they left Egypt because they had to make such a hasty exit, they didn't have time to add yeast.
7. Moses parted the Red Sea simply by gazing up to heaven and then down at the sea.
8. Moses must have had some pretty amazing powers, seeing that he loosed plague after plague without God's help.
9. Lucky Pharaoh & his army got to swim back to the shore instead of drowning in the sea.
10. The German word for children is "kinderlach."

Our friends astutely pointed out, as they handed us this book, that: Passover - God = amusing kids' story. They were so right. It makes for some pretty good family discussion when we change the wording and center the account around God (although, knowing the 'real' wording, R & Z never miss a chance to "correct" us). But without Him, the words & illustrations are cute - and empty.

Thank goodness burning bushes can't talk on their own (although I would've liked to see Pharaoh as an ugly blond-haired girl)!

The Ultimate Love Language

While some would argue this must be sex (more on that later!), the book of Ezra seems to indicate otherwise. Read it when you have a chance; it's powerful stuff. The last two chapters lay out one of the more stunning examples of sacrificial obedience I have seen.

Sixty years have passed since Ezra & the Israelites finished rebuilding the temple (following their captivity in Babylon). Ezra returns to Jerusalem, only to have several leaders inform him of widespread unfaithfulness to God in the form of intermarriage with neighboring peoples. This sin has occured even among the priests and Levites, with the leaders and officials actually leading the way.

What is Ezra's response? He tears his clothes, refuses food and drink, and mourns publicly over the sin of his people. "O Lord God of Israel, You are righteous! Here we are before You in our guilt, though because of it not one of us can stand in Your presence" (9:15).

And the people's response? Taking their cue from Ezra, they weep bitterly, own up to their sin, and take an oath to send away all their non-Jewish wives. And that's not all: ". . . some of them had children by these wives" (10:44). They sent them all packing. Can you imagine?

This wasn't something Ezra forced the people to do - "a large crowd" came to him of their own accord and suggested this purging themselves - and nearly all of the exiles responded in wholehearted obedience.

I'm thinking that anything Christ asks of me is pretty small in comparison to what these people willingly gave up. Some gave up their entire family in order to live in obedience to God.

John says, "This is love for God: to obey His commands." Too often, I think, we're willing to obey God unless it actually costs us something. Think of Abraham, Moses, all the martyred saints - and especially Christ Himself as He died an excruciating and lowly death in total obedience to God. Is He really asking that much of us in comparison?

And I was just complaining (inwardly) about giving up a little time in my day for Him . . .

I Can't Think of a Good Title for This One

OK, I haven't exactly been updating this blog very consistently the past few weeks. So, following are TWO posts for you to scroll through at your convenience. You could read one of them on Tuesday and the other on Thursday and pretend that's when I wrote them! (There's got to be some kind of "blog timer" that takes already-written articles and posts them on a specified day . . . come to think of it, I guess they just call that "copy and paste.")

Be Careful What You Ask For

Everyone knows how foolhardy it is to pray for patience. But I'm convinced that asking for humility is infinitely worse.

Three times this week I've prayed at the day's beginning, asking God to keep pride from my life. HA! You want to talk about answered prayer . . . .

Not a single day has gone by which hasn't offered up something to put me in my place and show me that I am far from being God's gift to the world. But come on, God could have at least given me a break from this on the days I DIDN'T ask for it.

These "teaching moments" have included everything from losing my son (see following post) to literally falling out the front door when dropping off Rachel's friend Sara after Cubbies - in front of Sara's dad, no less. Oh, and another memorable moment: leaving Montage with my friend Johanna, I somehow set off my car alarm, causing the horn to honk incessantly for about 5 minutes, since I had no clue how to turn it off.

I was actually afraid to sing for morning worship - I half expected that when I raised the mic to my mouth, I would begin croaking. I think this week I need to make my prayers more specific - I'm asking for humility, not humiliation! It's worked, though. . .

Eat Joe Dirt

Today I had a big BPM (Bad Parent Moment).

Picking three kids up from the nursery after church and getting them all in their coats/infant seat isn't as easy as it looks (haha). Actually, that part isn't so bad; keeping them all in sight while trying to have coherent conversations with people is the real trick.

Normally, Zeke runs into the auditorium to find Daddy; Rachel runs around with several older girls who think she's a life-size doll; and Kari, thankfully, sits contentedly - or sleeps - in her seat.

So it really wasn't that big a deal today when I finished talking and couldn't see Zekers. I figured he was back "helping" to gather Daddy's stuff so we could go home. In fact, when Linda, who I had been takling with, expressed concern that he could have run outside, I replied confidently, "Oh, he's never run out that door without me." (Of course, this is the kid who seizes every opportunity to run out into the street!)

When I realized he wasn't with Danny, I checked the kitchen and classrooms - and came up empty-handed. Finally, Lindsey, a student in our youth group, said to me, "I thought I just saw him outside." Now I was starting to sweat.

A search of the church grounds revealed my beloved 2-yr-old behind the church by the dumpster, with a large rock in one hand, a fistful of mud in the other, and a huge mud-framed smile on his face. Apparently, he had been quite hungry. And he wasn't at all ready to come back inside, as my mud-covered shoes can bear witness.

It was easy wiping the mess from his face and hands. It wasn't so easy getting my heart to stop racing. I know a person can lose their mind thinking about all the "what-ifs" but I can't stop myself from going there.

That does it - I'm investing in a couple of leashes.

Party On!

Highlights from the weekend (in no particular order):

1. Celebrating Esther's (my niece) 1st birthday in Kettering - met some new people, had some interesting conversations. Great-Grandma Miller & Great-Aunt Sandy got to meet Karis for the first time.

2. The yelling contest between Esther and Karis at Dad's 60th birthday dinner (they even took turns!)

3. Mitch & Jessica's baby shower - Delicious food, fun conversation, cute decorations and adorable baby outfits! (Nice job, Jodi!)

4. Wearing spring clothes for the first time this year, even though it was freezing cold outside (I just couldn't wait any longer!)

5. Melanie's testimony during the service, then singing "It Is Well." Beautiful.

6. Spagetti dinner with Mom & Dad after church on Sunday. Rach told us that she "went forward" in Sunday School and gave her heart to Jesus! The most precious part was hearing her describe to Grandma & Grandpa that Jesus died on the cross to forgive her sin so she could spend eternity in heaven with Him. Priceless.

7. Finding out that the PRESIDENT is actually in on a terrorist conspiracy on "24." It doesn't get much better than that! (OK, so that one's from Monday)

(Pictured above: Karis & Aunt Sarah)

I Need to Look in the Mirror More Often

So I'm at Walmart this evening and I make a horrifying discovery: I have not just one, but several very large splashes of spagetti sauce covering the lower part of my shirt! Even worse, I realize I've been traipsing all over Greenville this afternoon with Rachel, who's been attracting a great amount of attention from passers-by while pretending to be a frog. My heart sinks into my stomach as I recall seeing and talking to several people I know at various locations around town.

I rush through Walmart, hoping not to run into anyone else I know. Unfortunately, all I need is a couple of buttons, which are absolutely no use in covering up the splotches on my way to the checkout. (Why, oh why, didn't I bring my large purse?)

I guess I should change clothes after church (or at least after lunch) on Sundays. I guess mirrors exist for a good reason. I guess I should have expected this after reading a book on humility . . .