Entitled

I've been thinking about myself a lot lately - in more ways than one!

Amid all the egocentric self-serving thoughts continually swirling about in my cranium, an occasional moment of true introspection peaks through - a painful but necessary moment in which Christ Jesus extends to me a glimpse of my own heart. Any more would be unbearable, for this one glimpse reveals just how far I am from His perfection - the standard I should be striving, by His grace, to attain.

Allow me to explain (confess). As far back as I can remember, I have struggled with contentment; many sins I have wrestled with and continue to wrestle with, I have recently discovered, spring from this core issue. I was actually beginning to think I had finally arrived with this one: I love my family and friends and am truly grateful for all that God has chosen to entrust to us. I don't lie awake nights wishing we lived in a mansion or owned a llama or had our own helicopter. So I can finally shelve that prayer request, right? Dream on . . .

Danny & I have had the privilege of facilitating a group study on the book, "Love and Respect" (which I plan to review in a few weeks) on Sunday nights. Last Sunday, the 2nd week of the study, we asked each couple to bring a wedding picture and share about their wedding or honeymoon. I couldn't believe it - out of 7 couples, we were the only ones who had a honeymoon consisting of more than one or two nights! Several couples had no honeymoon at all.

You're wondering if there's a point to all this. The point is, I haven't been able to stop thinking about the whole honeymoon thing all week. To be honest, I took ours for granted. I would have felt robbed had we NOT spent over a week in another state following our wedding.

And it's been dawning on me slowly this week how many other things in our lives I just expect God to provide, with no basis for this expectation. Instead of thanking Him profusely for allowing us to create a third bedroom in our house just before Karis was conceived, I groan and complain because our 3 bedrooms are smaller than I'd like them to be. I go around with the attitude that God owes us 2 working vehicles with ample trunk space; He owes us an abundance of food and clothing; and of course He's allowed us to purchase furniture and get away for a week to Wisconsin this summer - don't we deserve it, after all?

The bottom line is, I have an attitude of entitlement. The apostle Paul says, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Whoa! Is it actually possible to be content even while lacking food, one of the most basic human essentials? And Paul's idea of living "in want" is undoubtedly much different than my own. The man lived much of his adult life out of a suitcase (or whatever the 1st century version of a suitcase would be), and that was on a good day!

God owes me nothing but eternal damnation; praise His holy name He's given me the promise of eternal life! Instead of living my life feeling entitled to all that He's graciously provided, I should be living in a mindset of continuous praise for His many gifts - and I'm not talking just material things. He's given us health, and family, and friends, and a wonderful church body, and the list goes on. . .

It's pretty easy to sit here and write all this out, and pretty difficult to live it every day. I will probably be fighting this attitude of entitlement until the day I die. But I want to keep fighting it. Maybe if I do, someday down the road, as Danny preached yesterday, I may look a little more like Christ. That's definitely worth the effort.