Thankful

It shouldn't come as any great surprise to me - the realization that God not only cares about what goes on in the nitty-gritty of my day, but is right there with me in the midst of it. It amazes me every time, though, when He chooses to gently and lovingly remind me of His immanence and the fact that He knows what's going on, not only in my living room, but in my heart.

This morning I nearly had what Carolyn Mahaney describes as a "mommy meltdown." The house was trashed from top to bottom, and we're having small group here tonight. I hadn't even thought about a snack for it. I was trying to do some work on the computer for nursery (which I'd already put off much longer than I should), and make some phone calls for an upcoming church-related event I'm helping to plan.

Well, you know how kids can be the moment they see that you're on the phone! They've been feeling pretty cooped-up the last couple of weeks, what with all the snow, and spent most of the morning in what I call "the vicious trio": Whining, Crying and Fighting. All of this while I'm trying to talk on the phone, of course, which is ringing off the hook. And every time I try to walk anywhere I'm tripping over toys (and Karis), sending the older 2 to their rooms and giving them spankings in between calls.

Then Rachel comes to me and says, "Mom, come get Kari Bou!" I stumble into the dining room, where Rachel had been creating colorful designs with thick "project paint", which I set up for her earlier so I wouldn't feel as guilty about being on the phone. There is Karis, happily sitting on the table, covered in green, blue, red and yellow paint - rubbing it into her hair and licking it off her fingers (luckily, the label says "non-toxic"). I glanced at the clock. 9:08 AM.

And the morning raged on. I broke up fights, dished out discipline (often with a less-than-godly attitude), changed poopy diapers, wiped snotty noses, removed and stain-treated 5 shirts and 2 pairs of pants, cleaned up innumerable messes, extracted about 7 items from Kari Bou's mouth, and entertained the thought that maybe our small group wouldn't mind meeting outside tonight - the temperatures are a little warmer this week! I spent most of the morning feeling like the Proverbs 32 woman, who is the evil twin and essentially the polar opposite of the Proverbs 31 woman.

Utterly defeated, I sat down in the middle of the living room and just watched the kids tear each other apart as I slowly began picking up puzzle pieces, like a patient in a mental health facility. (I may have even drooled a little.) And that's when God sent an angel to my house.

In the midst of the craziness, the doorbell rang. Out of the blue, a dear friend stopped by on the way to pick up her own daughter from kindergarten, and offered to take Rachel home for the afternoon. She also insisted on making food for small group tonight. (She didn't have to do a whole lot of persuading!)

As soon as she left, I burst into tears. I thought, God sent her to my doorstep just when I needed her. In that moment, I felt His presence so strongly. I know that He is "an ever-present help in trouble" but it's an extra-special gift to be able to almost tangibly feel it sometimes. I often have this totally incorrect picture of Him sitting there frowning because I'm not doing things right, telling me to just suck it up, telling me all the ways I'm falling short of His standards. I have a hard time seeing Him as a loving dad, who cares enough to help me shoulder the load. It's my fault - I'm always trying to do things in my own strength.

God has continued to remind me of His presence all afternoon! Nancy Leigh DeMoss is doing a radio series, which is transcribed online, focused on . . . yep - the Proverbs 31 woman. I read it every day. Well, today's message centered around verse 13, which talks about how a godly woman works hard to keep up her home, and how that, as mothers, is our #1 calling - managing our homes and taking care of our families. Wow - did I need to hear (see) that! I guess it was just a confirmation when I most needed one, that I am investing myself in something worthwhile, you know? Even on days like today. She shared as an example a friend of hers who gave up a promising career to stay at home with her three children, ages 4, 3, and 1!

And then I read Joshua 10, which our life group will discuss tonight. It's about Joshua and the Israelites defeating all these huge cities and their kings because God fought for them! This is a little morbid, but Joshua has the military chiefs place their feet on the necks of five kings who they defeated, and says to them, "Do not fear or be dismayed. Be strong and courageous, for thus the Lord will do to all your enemies with whom you fight." Then he strings them all up.

I'm not fighting kings and kingdoms, but I fight battles every day, in this house and in my mind - and it is an indescribable comfort to know that God isn't just standing there telling me what I'm doing wrong (although He does have a way of lovingly bringing to my attention areas that need some work!); He's fighting for me! And I guess what really melts me is the awareness that all these kindnesses are so totally undeserved. All I can do is shout out "God is good!" and fall down at His feet in worship.

It goes without saying that I'm thankful for God's grace (but I'll say it anyway!) I'm thankful for the friends God has placed in my life. I'm grateful for a husband who works hard to provide for our family, going far beyond the call of duty in so many ways. And I'm grateful that I have the privilege of staying home with our children and investing in them day in and day out, because I know with absolute certainty that there is no higher calling for those to whom God has granted the privilege of motherhood. Even on a day like today . . . especially on a day like today.