A few weeks ago, it occurred to me that I am actually doing my children a disservice by not expecting more from them. So I've gradually started incorporating more responsibilities into their daily routine (if it can be called that!), such as making their beds when they wake up; putting their pj's away in the morning and their dirty clothes in the hamper at night; picking up all of their toys before they start something else; and helping with small chores around the house. I know, I know . . . I should have been having them do all of this for quite some time, but hey - better late than not at all. They are loving it! I sometimes have to get on Zekers a little to make his bed, but they all enjoy helping out, especially Rachel. She loves to help me dust the furniture and empty the trash cans. The other day she begged me to let her run the dust mop over the floors after I swept them, and she did a really great job. Last week, I told her that maybe soon I'll let her start washing the dishes sometimes, and she said, "Well, why couldn't I start now?" Good question! So I let her tackle the sink full of dirty breakfast dishes. It took her about 10 times longer than it would've taken Danny or me, but she also did it about 10 times more cheerfully than either of us usually do!
She changes Malachi's diapers, too - except for the poopy ones, which she takes off and then leaves on the floor, along with the wriggling Malachi while she holds her nose and grosses out. We've cleaning the carpet a lot lately.
The challenging thing is: it takes a lot longer and requires more effort for me to train them to take responsibility, but I know that later it will pay off - for them and for me. Rachel looked at me the other day and said oh-so-seriously (the way she does when she's been putting a lot of thought into something), "Mom, I want to be just like you." I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it. And I realized that while I've tried my best to train her spiritually and work with her academically, I don't often take advantage of opportunities to develop her in the day-to-day of being a good wife and mother. Why not capitalize on this time when she actually thinks it's fun to clean the house? (I got her on video begging me to let her clean the bathroom, and am planning to use it against her when she's about 14.)
One more thing: tomorrow she gets to go shopping and pick out a Polly Pocket doll, because she's gone 3 weeks without sucking her thumb! At first we taped mittens to her hands at night; then we put some kind of nasty nail-biting polish on her thumbnail, then she went cold turkey. Now all that's left is to wean her from the pathetic mess of pink thread that she calls her blankie. I haven't washed it in months, fearing that it will just disintegrate in the washing machine. But it's been her constant companion ever since she was able to sit up in her crib, and she's nothing if not loyal. Rachel Nicole, I love you!
9 comments:
you are absolutely right that this will pay off in the long run. when your kids get older, we can share our chore system with you - if you want. it took a lot of trial and error to find one that worked, and although every family is different, it could be a place to start. just don't tell them it came from me....i don't want them to hate me for life :p
I loved my mother but she did everything for us.I guess she thought it was easier just to do it herself and have it done right the first time. It wasn't until I was married that I washed my own clothes or cooked anything but boxed mac and cheese. Looking back on it I also think we missed out the the one on one time together that could have made our relationship much better.
I will be glad to teach Rach the joys of picking up doggy do-do. We can bond over that :-)
Ma
Congrats to Rach on the thumb-sucking! I was still sucking my thumb on the sly in 5th grade, so I KNOW how hard it is! My Johnny (7) is a blankie addict too. He's attached himself to a flannel quilt I made for him when he was 2 with a satin binding. It's beginning to look like Rachel's. He sleeps with it smooshed up on his face every night. I think we're stuck with it til it disintegrates.
Washing solution: wash it in a hosiery bag or a tied off pillow case.
Do you guys not have a dishwasher? Is this a lifestyle choice? ;)
i'm one of those moms who had to make a huge effort to make sure my kids learned homemaking responsibilities...it was just easier to do it myself. don't forget to train your sons just like the girls...they need to know how to do laundry, clean a toilet and empty the dishwasher (or do dishes) also.
btw- you don't have a dishwasher?
You're doing a great thing, Charity! I had a cushy life at home - my mom did everything, much like "ma" said, and it wasn't until I got married that I realized what a disservice that was~ I purposed then that my kids would be competent in home skills before leaving home - girls & guys alike. Thankfully, they all love to cook, especially the girls - so that was an easy one. And they all help with laundry.
We don't have a dishwasher (You too?! I thought I was alone!) so dinner dishes has been a rotating chore for all four kids for as long as I can remember. They don't enjoy it any more than I do, but they know how to do it. In hindsight, I probably caved the most in regard to how they keep their rooms, beds made, etc.. But they know how to do it all - and as they've gotten older, they have started caring more about their own space, except maybe for the beds, which can still be an issue in our house. ugh. Thank goodness bedrooms have doors.
Get'em while they're young and still think it's fun! :)
OK, true confession time. The reason we often end up hand washing the breakfast (and other) dishes, is that I'm too lazy to empty the dishwasher full of clean dishes! We sometimes run it at night, and when I open it in the morning and mentally calculate the time required to put all the dishes away before loading it with the dirty ones, it's just easier to let Rach wash them by hand! :-)
d - i may have to pick your brain about some of those ideas in the future . .
ma - LOL! i think i'll take you up on that offer; we're probably going to be getting a dog sometime this year, and I'd be glad to let you show her that one.
Oops, I accidentally left my comment as 'anonymous'. Hey Charity, I finally posted some pics of Anna skiing on my blog.
I've got some really cute photos of you and Hannah washing dishes, aprons tied on, standing on step stools!
You are right on for having them do chores. The best way to boost 'self esteem' is in the sense of belonging by being a valuable contributor to the organism. And even when the chore thing gets old, it is still the way to help them feel a part of the family...not just takers but givers!
One thing I wish we'd done more of with you girls (and you did your share of chores!) was to do more in and for the community...finding needs and meeting them. Maybe the soup kitchen thing, or reading to the elderly or something.
Keep up the good work! Mom
PS We purposely did not put in a dishwasher or use existing ones most all the time!
Love it, love it, absolutely love it all, Charity! Say, are you familiar by chance with The House Fairy? (www.housefairy.org) She's got some neat stuff going with kids and housework.
All the best to you! And keep up the good work. I want to be just like you too!
Eileen
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