The Proverbs 32 Woman

I've referred to feeling like this woman in a couple of previous posts. So here she is, folks, the infamous Proverbs 32 Woman, evil twin and polar opposite of the Proverbs 31 Woman. (The actual Proverbs passage is in blue).


An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

A below-average wife, anyone can find, for she is a-dime-a-dozen. The heart of her husband quakes in fear of her mood swings, and she offers him very little. When he expresses interest in her, she rolls her eyes in annoyance and asks him for a Tylenol. She belittles, nags and manipulates him every chance she gets.

She looks for wool and flax, and works with her hands in delight. She is like merchant ships; she brings her food from afar.

She knows she needs to clean the house - and the kids - but she throws up her hands in despair. She knows she needs to comb through ads and clip coupons to save money on groceries, but she puts it off until the last minute and ends up ordering pizza for dinner instead.

She rises also while it is still night, and gives food to her household, and portions to her maidens.

She has every intention of rising before the sun, but hits the "snooze" button on the alarm clock 14 times and is finally awakened by her children using her hips as a springboard. She drags herself out of bed and gives portions of pop-tarts to her household, wishing she had maidens to help.

She considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She tries to think of ways to bring a little extra income to the family; but gives up when she realizes that there aren't many businesses looking to hire a "professional booty-wiper" or "expert hollerer".

She girds herself with strength, and makes her arms strong.

She feels worn out, like a tattered dish rag. Her arms are weak because the only thing she's had a chance to eat since breakfast are the discarded crusts from her kids' peanut butter sandwiches.

She senses that her gain is good. Her lamp does not go out at night.

She senses that her day has been totally unproductive; and she's so depressed that the light from her TV does not go out until late at night.

She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hands grasp the spindle.

She stretches out her hands to the Vivarin, and her hands grasp her 6th cup of coffee.

She extends her hand to the poor, and she stretches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

She finds the poor and the needy and asks them for help. She misses all the good sales on winter coats and decides her kids will just have to wear the ones from last year - their arms don't stick that far out of the sleeves.

She makes coverings for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

She is lucky to find enough clean clothes to wear for the day. She is clothed in T-shirts and sweat pants.

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.

Her husband is known everywhere he goes because people feel sorry for him.

She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies belts to the tradesmen.

The only linen she possesses is a nightgown she received at a bridal shower about 100 years ago, now buried in the back of the closet. She spends way too much time on e-bay trying to sell things to, and buy things from, merchants.

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future.

PMS and psychosis are her clothing, and the thought of facing the future sends her into a meltdown.

She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

She opens her mouth to scream at her children, and hurtful words are on her tongue.

She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.

She looks on helplessly as her household becomes a disaster area; as soon as the kids are down for their naps, she crashes on the sofa and helps herself to a large bowl of the ice cream she's been craving all day. She spends the rest of the afternoon online.

Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her saying: "Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all."

Her children rise up and run from her, and so does her husband, saying, "Many women scare the living daylights out of me, but you surpass them all!"

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

Charm is long gone and beauty is a thing of the past; and the woman who lives in fear and self-loathing, she shall be paranoid.

Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

Give her the fruit of her inefficiency, and the guilt from her works will haunt her continually.


I thank God daily that, while I often manifest aspects of the "Proverbs 32 Woman", He alone gives grace to produce a good work in me and to help me become ever more like the Proverbs 31 Woman. O Lord, You can do anything!!