Scripture and Spankings

I've been praying (begging!) for wisdom a lot lately.

I've felt for some time that the discipline decisions we make with the kiddos - the way we handle both their actions and the heart attitudes that drive their actions, will have significant ramifications for their future and ours! But I have to admit, I've felt a little overwhelmed the past several months.

Danny and I just finished a class on this topic, through our church, during which we re-read Shepherding a Child's Heart. It's an excellent resource to help parents instruct their children in godliness by means of both good communication and the rod. Tedd Tripp, the author, encourages parents to take the time to deal with the sin issues in their children's hearts, not just the outward manifestation of those sins. It's really gotten me to stop and re-examine the way I parent my children, rather than just dish out the consequences because I'm fed up with the way they're behaving.

I'll be honest. This book made me feel like a loser. I never realized how many things I do wrong. I yell. I make excuses for them when we're in public ("They're tired - they haven't had their naps yet."). I'm inconsistent. I often wait to discipline them until I'm completely frustrated, rather than dealing calmly with it the first time it happens.

So this week, I finished another, similar book, by Ginger Plowman: "Don't Make Me Count to Three!" She says many of the same things as Ted Tripp, which once again made me feel overwhelmed and loser-y. But she lays out a couple of ground-breaking principles, which I have been trying to incorporate, and have made a HUGE difference in the way I've been parenting over the last several days.

She talks about the importance of laying out Scripture for your kids when they fight, disobey, etc., because Scripture is what will penetrate their hearts and bring repentance. What does the Bible say about their actions and heart attitudes? She also says it's important to provide a "way out" for them - to show them not just where they went wrong and what not to do, but also what they should / could be doing instead. To show them how to act righteously, and not just how to avoid acting foolishly. I've had a lot of talks lately with Zekers about losing his temper, instead of just excusing it by saying, "That's just Zekers." It comes down to self-control and is a sin that will take root in his heart unless Danny and I lovingly instruct Him in the ways of Christ.

It was also encouraging to read, once again, that using godly discipline doesn't change them overnight. I've often gotten discouraged after spending several days just giving spankings - and often for the same things, over and over again. In my opinion, this is the toughest part of parenting. I need reminders to hang in there and remain consistent.

The really cool thing about this, is it has forced me to study my Bible more!! I've spent some time looking for, and thinking of, Scriptures pertaining to certain behaviors such as lying, self-control, and loving others. I'm finding that throughout the day, verses come to mind just in conversation with them with non-discipline issues as well, and it gets easier the more you do it.

And we've been focusing a lot more on the desired attitudes and behaviors - what God expects of them. I can't say all of my discipline has been completely godly this week, but it's getting better. There have been small victories, where I've been able to deal with them calmly and Scripturally. And even though it's almost always a HUGE inconvenience to spend the time instructing them and making them practice the right way of doing things, it's been worth the time and effort. It's actually allowed me to enjoy them more and have some good conversations with them, although with Karis I'm still trying to get past the "I don't want a spanking, I don't want a spanking, I don't want a spanking . . . " broken record response each time.

So if you're behind me in the check-out line and you watch me totally lose it as they tear each other, and the shelves, apart - just be patient with me. I'm a work in progress, just like they are.