Thank You

It's been a different kind of November.

Maybe it's because for the past 10 weeks I've had the opportunity to study the life of Christ with a group of sisters from our church. Maybe it's because so many of the songs we raise in the morning worship service center around the cross. Maybe it's because with Danny gone, I did a whole lot more praying than usual!

During a season that celebrates the birth of sweet baby Jesus, God has been repeatedly redirecting my thoughts to the cross. The reason for the baby. And it all just seems wrong.

When my 4 sweet babies entered the world, they were delivered by our skilled OB doctor, washed, wrapped in clean blankets and placed in bassinets, while I ordered restaurant-quality food from a menu. When God's perfect Son entered the world, he was delivered by a man who hadn't yet married his mother; wrapped in rags and laid in a feeding trough for animals. And the ones who spread the word about His birth? A bunch of dirty shepherds, considered to have one of the lowliest jobs available.

He was raised in a town that people sneered and looked down their noses at. Nothing good ever comes from NAZARETH.During the three years of His earthly ministry, He traveled around with no place on this planet to call "home". He called to Himself uneducated men and outcasts of society - fishermen and tax collectors. And when it came time for Him to die, He suffered the most gruesome and humiliating form of death imaginable - an execution reserved only for the worst criminals and denied Roman citizens: crucifixion. For six hours He hung suspended between heaven and earth, naked and torn apart, barely recognizable as a human being.

And then . . . after all of this, the sins of the world - my sins - were heaped upon His wounded shoulders. And His own Father, with whom He spent hours and often whole nights on the mountain, and whom He loved with a love we'll never even begin to understand this side of eternity, His own Father turned His back on Him.

He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. (2 Cor. 5:21)

God has poured out blessings on me these past week by revealing to me, slowly but steadily, the depth of the depravity of my own heart. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh . .. (I Cor. 7:18) At first I was crushed by the weight of it all; but then, THEN! as I grew, and continue to grow, more aware of my own sin, God reveals the depth of His GRACE, in a way I've never known before. It is impossible to appreciate the fulness of the grace of God without appreciating the gravity of my own sinful heart. How much has been forgiven!

Thursday morning I sat there and all I could say was "Thank You Jesus." And I felt so silly, because after all He's done for me, all I can do is sit there and say "Thank you." It felt like the lamest thing, and all day long I thought about how I wished there was more I could say to express the gratitude in my heart.

And then I went to worship team practice, not really wanting to go, because I felt too exhausted to give any effort to anything. And we went over a new song called "Jesus, Thank You." I thought to myself, that's kind of funny - here I am, right back with these same "lame" words.

It wasn't until Sunday morning as we led the church in singing this song, that I actually felt the Holy Spirit saying to me, I am glorified through your thank-yous. But it isn't enough, Lord! It is enough. Only say it with your MOUTH and with your LIFE.

I have to be honest. In the time - less than 2 days - since Sunday morning and the wonderful communion service that evening - I have sinned big. In areas that I thought were somewhat under control. How could this happen?? I'm confronted once again with my own weakness and also with His limitless strength and forgiveness.

But may it never be that I would boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me and I to the world (Galatians 6:14).