Don't Dwell!

Along with 8 others from our church, I've been taking part in a 13-week counseling class (I guess you could call it "Biblical Counseling for Dummies"!). For the past few weeks, we've all immersed ourselves in big thick books and little skinny pamphlets on various topics such as Fear, Worry, Anger, Suffering, and even the need for Biblical Counseling.

I tell you what - the class has pretty much amounted to an intense counseling session for me! I really don't enjoy my sin being continually put before me; and yet this class has opened my eyes to attitudes and tendencies in my own life that I can't pass off any longer with excuses like "That's just the way I am", or "It's just so hard trying to raise 4 kids" (whiney tone included). The fact that I sometimes spew hot lava all over my kids when I allow myself to erupt is SIN. Wasting time and energy worrying about the future is SIN. And holding grudges against others - failing to truly forgive - is SIN. This has been the most convicting week for me by far.

See, I haven't really understood before what true forgiveness involves. In his book The Christian Counselor's Manual, Jay Adams spells it out: "Forgiveness means no longer continuing to dwell on the sin that was forgiven. Forgiveness is the promise not to raise the issue again to the offender, to others, or to oneself." (p. 65)

And there lies the rub. I've grown when it comes to not bringing up past wrongs to the offender or to others (although a lot more growth in this area is needed). But where I allow myself to get bogged down is in the area of dwelling on offenses - allowing my thoughts to spend way too much time there. It makes sense: where we allow our thoughts to camp out makes the difference between falling into sin or leading a life of righteousness.

Luke 17 contains a hard truth. "If your brother . . . repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times saying "I repent", forgive him." (vs. 3-4)

So, the same person could do the same hurtful thing to me seven times in the same day, and I have to forgive them? Yup. So, the person just gets off scot free? They need to know that whatever they did / said hurt me and be made to suffer for it!

If I continue on in this attitude, I become like the ungrateful servant in Matthew 18:21-35. If I fail to truly forgive, and to make efforts to reconcile the relationship, I am, in essence, refusing to acknowledge the sin in my own life - forgiven in full by the blood of Christ. He forgave a debt I had NO HOPE of repaying. How can I refuse to release a fellow believer from a debt so much less it's not even comparable (any more than 100 denarii to 10,000 talents).

If I refuse to forgive - if I harbor bitterness in my heart over past offenses - I am not displaying the gospel in my life, nor am I acting like a child of God. To be honest, I've had to spend a lot of time this week praying (and crying) over offenses I've hung onto, and asking God to help me release them. If only we would exercise the discipline to let these things go. What is any relationship - be it marriage, friendship, or whatever - without forgiveness and reconciliation?? What kind of message would this send to people who are lost if they saw us forgiving the "unforgivable" - seven times a day, and "seventy times seven" times? How much more glory would Christ receive from this kind of forgiveness?

And as hard as this teaching seems, at the end of the day Christ's words are: "So you , too, when you do all the things which are command you, say 'We are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done.'" (Luke 17:10)

This teaching is so contrary to the natural man that everything inside my hard head and stubborn heart rebels against it. This teaching is so difficult and shocking that the disciples, upon hearing this, immediately cried, "Increase our faith!" To which Jesus replied that they already had the faith (faith as small as a mustard seed is sufficient); but that it is a matter of obedience. We don't forgive expecting a medal for our supreme righteousness. No, we forgive, recognizing that we are only doing what we ought to have been doing all along as followers of Christ. No matter how much someone has sinned against me or hurt me, I've wounded and sinned against Christ far more - and He's forgiven it ALL!

Oh God, continue to show me the magnitude of my own sin, and of Your sacrifice on my behalf - the amazing GRACE that covers it all. And because of this, help me to forgive - repeatedly and joyfully, because in doing so, I'm becoming more like You!