Danny and I celebrated our 12th anniversary last Monday. Sunday evening we took off and stayed in a hotel in Cinci for the night, leaving our kiddos with a very brave (maybe a little crazy?) babysitter.
Monday morning we slept in and then went to the Gap Clearance center, where I spent a VERY productive 3 hours. My right shoulder was actually sore the next day from going through racks of clothing! Before you start feeling too sorry for Danny, though, I should tell you that he spent most of that time out in the car reading - and loved every minute!
We grabbed lunch and headed to the Creation Museum. I won't devote a lot of time or space to reviewing it, except to say that we both LOVED it and plan to return sometime in the future with Rachel and Zekers, If you want to read Danny's review, it's here. My favorite parts were the Noah's ark / flood display, the dinosaur display and the planetarium. Also, the botanical gardens and petting farm were pretty cool. We both loved the way the gospel was woven throughout the entire museum - very informative and surprisingly Christ-exalting.
We ended the day with dinner, and then went home to our kiddos. We were both so grateful for the chance to get away - it provided us with some greatly-needed time to talk and be husband and wife, not just mommy and daddy. I have honestly never had a day go by so quickly.
Danny also surprised me with a very unexpected anniversary gift (in addition to the trip!) - an entire case of my favorite beverage, Tazo iced green tea. The only places I've ever seen it are Starbucks and one gas station about 30 minutes away; and we recently found out that it's being discontinued. Can you imagine? So my knight in shining armor ordered enough to last me for a very long time. How does he manage to get me gifts that are so thoughtful and so funny at the same time?I'm grateful to be married to a man I've shared some of the best and worst moments of my life with, and who, after 12 years, I love and admire more now than ever before - and definitely more than I knew was possible on July 12, 1997!
I know I am so very blessed in every way; sometimes I have a hard time discerning where the line lies between complaining and just being honest. So here's a little bit of what I hope is truly the latter:
I'm really feeling discouraged about our kiddos, and have for some time. The constant bickering and fighting that I expected for maybe the first week or 2 of the summer, has continued throughout the entirety of June and most of July. I hate that they get such pleasure out of one another's pain; I hate the way they talk to each other; and I'm completely stumped as to where to go from here. I guess the really troubling question that keeps plaguing my mind is "What am I doing wrong?" and "Is it reversible?"
I've been praying a lot about this (I tend to pray with clenched teeth, since the days I go before the Lord with all of this, they fight worse than ever!), and He has opened my eyes to the fact that they may just be following behavior they see modeled in ME. Often, I let them get away with delayed obedience, which frustrates me, which causes me to yell, which teaches them (by example) that yelling is an acceptable way to communicate. Yesterday, I began letting them know (by staying calm and taking decisive action!) that they are expected to obey the very first time I ask them to do something; so I know this week is going to be difficult, and involve a lot of vigilance on my part, but I've already begun to see some improvement, especially in Karis.
I guess it's that classic Romans 7 problem at work in my parenting, in addition to every other area of my life: How can I know the right thing to do, and want so badly to do it, and yet fail so miserably? HE must become greater, I must become less . . .
This has all been compounded by my strange health issues of late. The doctor told me 2 weeks ago she has some idea of what it might be, but I need to have blood drawn during an attack to confirm or disprove her theory. As much as I'm not looking forward to it, I just kind of want it to happen so I can get it over with and they can maybe diagnose what's going on. At this point, though, I'm about 10 days overdue for an attack. I've tried everything to induce one, to no avail. Instead, I have about 1-2 days out of every 5 when I feel weak, crampy, lethargic, unmotivated, and generally out of sorts (never thought I'd have PMS this often!) - it's a weird kind of fatigue, where I just want to sleep all day, and the thought of going through the normal tasks of the day is overwhelming. Sometimes I do crash, and can't do a thing until I've slept for at least an hour. Last week, I felt this way, so I went running, thinking it would bring on a full-fledged episode and I could be done with it. But of course, the run did nothing but make me incredibly sore on top of being fatigued. Fortunately, the day after a really bad day is always a really good one, and I am very thankful for that.
I guess that's it for now. I'll keep you posted on the progress of "The Angry Family" . . . .
12 comments:
praying for you........
this has also been one of the longest summers of kids bickering back and forth,
some hot pool days would be nice
gee, my kids were never like that. i just don't know what to tell you :p
ok, really - don't know if it works for anyone else, but when mine fought i often sent them to separate rooms and told them they couldn't come out until they were ready to play nicely and be kind to each other. sometimes i got LENGTHY periods of quiet!
and is it time to rotate toys again? (we put 1/2 of the toys away at any given time and rotated which ones were "out" about every 3 months. i was thinking you did that too?)
and yes, PRAY! and be consistent.
i love you and all your kids, charity :)
Janal - it's nice to know you've been miserable, too! :) And seriously, thanks for praying.
Dee - that is a great idea. Normally, I just make them sit in chairs quietly, but sitting on their beds in their rooms is even better. I'm wondering . . . what's the maximum amount of time I could leave them there?? :D It does help to know other families have gone / are going through the same thing.
As my children are dear little angels, I can't say I relate to the issues you mentioned. (insert chuckle here)
And, though I never thought I'd say this, I'll be praying for an attack to come on SOON!
Deanna--that's a great idea about rotating toys. I am going to try that with mine.
I have the same problems with my little boys, too, Charity. They have some really bad days where all they do is pick at each other. Sometimes, when I get really frustrated and realize I'm starting to lose it, I just hold them. (I know, my lap will hold my 2 boys, but your lap will not hold all 4 of yours!) But, I recognize that when my boys are being really bad, they just need more attention from me. Hang in there--it will get better! Keep praying and try not to lose your cool--things will go better then.
Maybe it would help for us to get together again for a playdate. Let the kids burn off some energy with each other...
Title possiblities: Through Thick & Thin OR A Dozen Years of Blessings OR QT & Toby Take a Trip OR Waiting & Praying for an Attack OR Fun & Frustration OR...YOU are better at this than I, my dear!!!
By the way, I'm weeding out unnecessary photos. Recently did 1976 to 1983. I have a lot of neat pictures for you to look through and perhaps keep a few of them. I am so glad you appreciate these days with the munchkins. Wish I had taken more time squeezing cheeks and passing out hugs!
Thank you Charity for being so transparent and so real. Congratulations on your Dozen years of Wedded Bliss. I'm sure that you - and your blogged thoughts - are an encouragement to so many. I know that you are to Me! =)
I'm so glad you guys got to go to the creation museum! You should have told me you were going, I have a friend who has free guest passes, we used them last year and went with Kenneth's parents. Anyway, I also loved it and want to take our kids when they are a little older!
We actually the guest passes of some good friends - which was really nice. We want to go back with Rachel and Zekers soon; I think they'd go nuts over the dinosaur display . . .
By the way, as to that INFLICTING PAIN thing the kids do, it's just pay back for things done 25 to 30 years ago. Usually Betty Webertz was the object, I think, and Queen C played a part, having the subjects sign in blood! So I'm not feeling too sorry for ya! Ha Ha!
(Actually, I DO know what you mean & agree. It's great to have 2 parents in agreement on this issue)
I choose to believe you are just being honest, and I appreciate that. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH! Been there, done that. I, most definitely, used the separate room thing for however long it took. (Some kids longer than others). It helps to go into each room and clearly and quietly explain why they are there. And, DO NOT, try to decipher who is at fault and who started what to whom. That's futile. Many times, all my kids were pronounced guilty at the same time, sometimes just by association. :) And, of course, as you already know, consistency is the key, which I failed miserably at. Our kids have now gone from fighting and bickering to sarcasm and occasional ridicule, which hurts just as much.
To answer your questions: we can't blame ourselves for our kids' bad choices and sin nature. That doesn't mean we stop being a Godly parent and trainer, but our children are sinners (and they need to clearly know that); yes, it's reversible- keep praying and seeking wisdom from above.
We love you and your precious family!
Today is August 7, 2009. So much for reaching your 300 post before the month's end. How about before YEARS end?
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