Why I Still Stink at Guitar

I lug my guitar up from the basement, search my notebook for Sunday's songs. I lay them on the sofa, take out my guitar, and begin playing through the first song.

Lord, You're calling me to come
And behold the wondrous cross
To explore the depths of grace
That came to me at such a cost . . .

I notice Malachi crawling onto my guitar case. "You know you're not allowed to be on Mommy's guitar case," I remind him. "Please get down." He does.

Lord, You're calling me to come
And behold the wondrous cross
To explore the depths of grace
That came to me at such a cost . . .

Malachi is at my knee, insistently handing me a different-colored pic. I ignore him as long as humanly possible (about 4 measures) and then take the tye-dyed pic from him. He beams.

Lord, You're calling me to come
And behold the wondrous cross
To explore the depths of grace
That came to me at such a cost . . .

I trade in the tye-dyed pic for the orange one Malachi is trying to give me and decide to move on . . .

Where Your boundless love
Conquered my boundless sin . . .

. . . trade the orange pic for a pink one, as he drops about 4 others into the guitar's sound hole . . . oh well, I'll get them later.

Where Your boundless love
Conquered my boundless sin . . .

Karis: "Mom, will you put the diaper back on my baby doll?"
Me: "I will as soon as I'm done playing through this song, Sweetie."

Where Your boundless love
Conquered my boundless sin, and mercy's arms were opened wide
My heart is filled with a thousand songs, proclaiming the glories . . .

Rachel: "Mom, when will you be done? We NEED you to put this diaper on - we can't do ANYTHING until you do."
Me (getting irritated): "You NEED to wait just a few more minutes until I'm finished with the song."

My heart is filled with a thousand songs . . .

I notice Malachi freaking out and banging on my guitar case. "Malachi, do you want a spanking? Do not climb onto Mommy's guitar case!" He cries harder. I'm in the process of taking him to his room, when Rachel lifts the top of the case, to reveal about 4 toy trucks inside. He squeals in delight, and I try to figure out when on earth he put those things in there. I grab my guitar once again and attempt to play . . .

My heart is filled with a thousand songs . . .

Zeke: MOM!

Proclaiming the glories of Calvary . . .

Zeke: MOM!!

With every breath, Lord, how I long . . .

Zeke: MOM!!!

To sing of Jesus, who died for me . . .

Zeke: MOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!

Me (trying to sound patient): What's the emergency??

Zeke: LOOK AT MY SNAKE! I MADE IT OUT OF LEGOS!

Me: Wow, Buddy - that's impressive. OK, go make something else! And remember: indoor voice.

Zeke: OK MOM!!!!

I spot the doll laying on the sofa and decide to go ahead and put on the stinkin' diaper to save myself the trouble later. Besides, I'm beginning to wonder if I will EVER be done practicing this song.

Lord, take me deeper, into the glories . . .

Karis: Mom, will you help me put on her PJs?
Me: Rachel! Will you please put on the doll's PJs?
Rachel: *sigh* OK. I don't know why I always have to do everything around here.

At a loss for words, I decide to go back to the song . . .

Me: Hey, where did all my pics go?
Everyone stands there and stares at me.
Me: Malachi, did you take Mommy's pics?
Malachi: Unna couch.

I feel around under the couch, and sure enough, there they all are. OK, deep breath - let's just get through the song.

Lord, take me deeper, into the glories of Calvary.

Yes! On to verse 2!

Sinners find eternal joy
In the triumph of Your wounds . ..

Zeke: MOM!!!!!!

By our Savior's crimson flow
Holy wrath has been removed . . .

Zeke: MOOOOMMM!!!
Me: What now?
Zeke: I MADE A BIRD PLAYING VIDEO GAMES!!
Me: Wow! Very good! (I could actually kind of see it)

I turn back to my music.

Sinners find eternal joy
In the triumph of Your wounds
By our Savior's crimson flow
Holy wrath has been removed
And Your saints below
Join with . . .

OK, WHAT IS GOING ON?! (The sounds of crying / fighting have grown steadily louder)

Zeke: KARIS JUST KICKED MY BIRD AND BROKE IT ALL IN PIECES!!
Me: Karis, you're finished playing with legos. Now, go sit in the green chair, and no talking! Zekers, why don't you go make something really big, using ALL of the legos!
Zeke (sniffling): OK

And your saints below join with Your saints above
Rejoicing in the risen Lamb
My heart is filled . . .

I hear a piercing screech, followed by sobs and gasps.
Rachel: MOM! Malachi just fell!
I scoop up my crying son and kiss his forehead, which now sports a rapidly growing goose egg.
Rachel: Can I please finish painting my tea set?
Me: We'll be eating lunch as soon as I finish playing through my songs. After that, you may finish painting.
Rachel: OK. When will you be done playing?
Me: I have no idea.

Malachi seems to be OK, so I sit him down with a slice of cheese, which he devours.

My heart is filled with a thousand songs
Proclaiming the glories of Calvary . . .


Zeke: MOOOMMM!!!
Me: What?
Zeke: NOW I MADE A DINOSAUR LEG AND FOOT!!

I look, and sure enough, he's made a ginormous dinosaur leg and foot, using all of the legos. Why, oh why, is he ONLY fast when I actually WANT him to be slow?

"OK, listen up, everyone!" I holler. "DO NOT interrupt Mommy anymore. I need to finish this song!!"
Karis: "Mommy, can I get down?"
Me: No! Not until I'm finished.

My heart is filled with a thousand songs, proclaiming the glories of Calvary
With every breath, Lord, how I long to sing of Jesus, Who died for me . ..

Me: Mr. Moo, I don't need any help playing the guitar, buddy.

Lord, take me deeper, into the . . .

Me: No, I also don't need any more pics.

Lord, take me deeper, into the glories . . .

Malachi: I pooped.

Lord, take me deeper, into the glories

Karis: Mommy, if Zeke is mean to me, does that mean he's going to hell?

Lord, take me deeper, into the glories

Rachel: Can Alli PLEASE come over? I'm bored.

. . . of Calvary

Zeke: MOM! I MADE THE EIFFEL TOWER!