Confessions from the Road

I sat down to put together an account, complete with pictures, of our recent trip to Westboro, WI. But as I've thought through the past 9 days, I've realized something: this week has not turned out the way I thought it would. Not even close. And I've a few thoughts I feel compelled to share, more important than pictures and a rundown of the week's activities (although these are sure to follow at some point!)

We spent most of the week in a beautiful wooded, hilly setting. Although it rained the first 2 days, the storm clouds eventually blew over to reveal a brilliant blue sky, studded with fluffy white clouds. The air was crisp and clean; the lake sparkled in the sun; the wooded paths beckoned. In so many ways, it was a wonderful getaway. I got to listen to Danny preach from the Word in 9 sessions (I guess it was more like 6 or 7 - the kiddos didn't always do so well and we missed a few). We spent time with good friends and even got to set off a few fireworks. We swam, climbed a rock wall, went boating, hiked, met new friends, laughed, played games, and had some really great family time. I didn't cook one meal or clean the house for 9 days! It doesn't get much better than that.

But God, in His infinite wisdom, used the week in an entirely different way than I had imagined: He pretty much gave me a spiritual smack down!

Whether or not you have kids, you can imagine that a week spent traveling with them can bring out the best AND the worst - in the whole family. And for the first few days, it definitely brought out the worst. They fought. They whined. They cried. We yelled. We spanked. We cried. It was awful. Do you ever have those times when you wonder: what am I doing wrong, and how on earth do I correct it?? We were at our wits' end.

But God used the week to reveal my need for Him. It was like He held up a giant mirror and showed me the frightfully vivid image of my ungrateful, critical, complaining spirit, especially when it came to the way I responded to Danny and the kiddos. He reminded me that I haven't made time with Him a priority lately, and that this isn't just due to the busyness of daily life. Even in that setting, with all the time in the world, I failed to rise early and spend time with Him in the beauty of the nature all around us. And when I don't spend time with Him, my thoughts and responses are according to the flesh.

So . . . It was a GOOD week, because it made me hungry. Hungry to soak up truth from God's Word. Hungry to spend time at His feet. And hungry to live a life worthy of the calling I've received because of Christ. Hungry for HIM. When He is not my priority, everything gets messed up, and I only end up depriving myself of the greatest possible joy. I focus on myself, instead of on the One whose blood flung my sins to the farthest corners of the universe and clothed me with His righteousness.

I am putting this out there because I came home with a new resolve: to make Christ my first priority. To put Him ahead of my personal agenda, ahead of TV, ahead of running, ahead of other relationships, ahead of the all-too-urgent demands on my time which will always be part of life on this earth. I came home with a resolve to lean on Christ for a heart of gratitude, gentleness, and love. If I try to lean on myself for these things, which has been the case recently, I'm attempting to draw water from an empty cistern. He alone can restore my joy. He alone can provide the promise of hope. He alone can give me the patience to deal with whining, fighting children in a way that doesn't discredit the gospel!!

It's frustrating, but GOOD, to know that God's plan isn't my plan. It's more painful, and it's ultimately better, because the pain and frustration draw me to Him. And that's always a good thing!