A youth pastor we met while on staff with Finish Line once told us that each time God gave him another child, his selfishness decreased, so that with the entrance of their third child, any hint of self-centeredness had been squeezed out completely. I wish I could say the same.
How can I desire so strongly to hand my life over to God, and yet fail so miserably? Why am I my own worst enemy when it comes to spiritual pursuits? This flesh is indeed weak.
Several weeks ago, I sat down with my Bible open to "the love chapter (I Cor. 13)," prepared to give myself a nice little pep talk about loving God and others. I thought I'd look over the qualities of love and check which ones need work and which ones I've got down. I began reading and comparing:
Love is patient
The character quality I've been demonstrating to my kids lately? Road rage!
Love is kind
I begrudge my 5-month-old the time it takes to feed her (Good grief, Karis, you're hungry AGAIN? You just ate 10 hours ago)
It does not envy
I want other people's houses; I want other people's minivans; I want other people's talents & abilities; I want other people's flat abs and stretch-mark-free skin . . . (you get the idea)
It does not boast; it is not proud
I'm better than most at this one.
It is not rude.
OK, getting sarcastic with the Wal-Mart cashier who couldn't add 15+21 may have been a little rude.
It is not self seeking
Actually, I do put others first sometimes. It makes me look like a better Christian.
It is not easily angered
Just ask Danny - he lives in fear.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
How many shows & movies do I delight in watching, which champion ungodly attitudes and lifestyles?
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres
Always? I give up!
The harsh reality: I couldn't be farther from God's perfect standard of love. I'm not looking for easy answers (as if there were any!), just expressing what's been heavy on my heart lately. Again and again I go to Romans 7; somehow knowing the Apostle Paul struggled similarly gives a small measure of comfort. And how thankful I am for Romans 8! "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus . . ."
Oh, God - take all this selfishness and replace it with Your love, for even the capacity for love comes from You.
8 comments:
thank you both for modeling the imperfect Godly woman to me. i am truly privileged to have women like you to remind me what it means to be genuine and faithful amd graceful.
as melanie says: "i heart you".
Why is it that 'love' is such a struggle? There are days (way too many to count)when I do not want to show patience, kindness, or any other aspect of love to the groups that are here wanting our time and attention. But since we are called to serve, and I'm assuming that doing it joyfully is a requirement, it's my number one personal prayer request it seems.
Thank you Charity for being so open and willing to share. We can pray for one another...at least praying I can usually do cheerfully!
qt,
thanks for not being content with imperfection even though you married it!
i bask in the glory of God's grace that when I realize how far I am from the standard of love, I am embraced by the Author of Love!
Thanks so much to each of you for the encouraging words. God has truly blessed me with your friendship and love!
charity, encouraging words?? your friends are not encouraging you, they are agreeing with you that you have a lot to work on. You are definitely not in the same boat as most of us, that is for sure.
I have always thought out of everyone I know, you exemplify the chapter on "love" the most. You are very patient, kind, definitely not rude or self seeking. You put up with a lot! You are one of the most selfless people I know.
So, let this be of encouragement, you don't have near as much to work on as the rest of us do.
Road rage? Would this come under that catagory? My two children were screaming over a toy when I made them give it to me, I then threw the toy out the window....my children's reaction was about 30 seconds of silence and then the two of them screaming very loudly because of what I had done. I managed this while driving the car!
I'm not sure how my children have been affected by that experience(they are now teenagers) but I know my sister-in-law who was in the passenger seat has never forgotten it!
Anonymous, that is too funny but be prepared to never have it forgotten. Charity reminds me of throwing her silky pillow away and I'm not sure she has ever forgiven me!
you are a beautiful clay pot!! :)
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