I heard on the radio the other day that if stay-at-home moms were paid a salary for everything we do, we'd net about $130 grand a year. About six months ago, a news show gave an even "better" number: close to $150 grand.
I take issue with this whole train of thought for two reasons.
1. How did the researchers arrive at these values? They reasoned that a stay-at-home mom does the work of a part-time nurse, counselor, teacher, cook, laundry service, etc. (The list was pretty long and I've forgotten most of it). And they assigned a number by combining portions of the salaries for each, plus some overtime childcare pay.
The problem with this line of reasoning? Although I appreciate getting credit for nursing skills, really the only medical duties I've performed are administering Tylenol and putting on bandaids. Oh, and running one of my children to the hospital when he actually needed expert treatment. No one in their right mind would pay me to perform these tasks! (Although "Bandaid Technician" does sound pretty professional.) As for counseling, at this point I'd say I'm much more in need of this than my kids.
I don't have a degree in any of these fields. My degree is in secondary English Ed., so my kids won't benefit from that one for a while (except, of course, for the priceless benefit of having me correct all thier grammar). According to this formula, I'm not worth a fraction of the above amounts. In this respect, I'd be way overpaid.
2. Can you really assign a value to the time, attention and training kids receive from their parents? Not in a million years! They're saying, in essence, that the hours spent drying tears after a nightmare; changing thousands of diapers; reading Bible stories; teaching your kids how to cook, use the toilet, tie their shoes, problem-solve, etc.; instilling in your children godly values and helping to shape their very character; all this is worth ONLY $150, 000 a year??
The bottom line: Time spent with your children is priceless. If you are a parent, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If you are not a parent, it might not be a bad idea to thank your parents for everything they've invested in you. (This is much easier than forking over all the backpay you owe them for 18+ years.)
Monday, May 29, 2006
Monday, May 22, 2006
A Fun Evening
Danny & I spent Friday evening with five children ages 8 months - 3 yrs. Do we know how to have fun, or what??
The reason for the madness was so our good friends Alan & Erin could have a date night. They're going to return the favor next month. This is a wonderful way to get some time away and not drain the monthly entertainment budget in one night.
The odd thing was, we actually had a lot of fun. Not that we were expecting it to be awful, but we didn't think we'd have such an entertaining evening.
Wierdly enough, somewhere between the chaos of all five of them yelling at the top of their lungs during dinner, and the lump of poop we found stuck to the toilet after our trip to the park, I made some surprising discoveries.
1. Looking after five really doesn't seem like that much more work than looking after three. (of course, it was only one evening, and this in no way means we want to have any more!)
2. This toddler/preschoool thing certainly has its challenges, but it is the most adorable age! Before we had children, I used to wish they could come out of the womb and be at least in fifth grade. I have always enjoyed teenagers, but young kids scared me to death. Now, sometimes I think I would do anything to keep them from growing up. I found myself crying this weekend just thinking about my three kids graduating from high school someday.
There are difficult days when I am tempted to begin a countdown to college, but mostly I cling to every moment with them as a priceless gift from God. And I was wrong . . . You can actually have an interesting conversation with a three-yr-old!
The reason for the madness was so our good friends Alan & Erin could have a date night. They're going to return the favor next month. This is a wonderful way to get some time away and not drain the monthly entertainment budget in one night.
The odd thing was, we actually had a lot of fun. Not that we were expecting it to be awful, but we didn't think we'd have such an entertaining evening.
Wierdly enough, somewhere between the chaos of all five of them yelling at the top of their lungs during dinner, and the lump of poop we found stuck to the toilet after our trip to the park, I made some surprising discoveries.
1. Looking after five really doesn't seem like that much more work than looking after three. (of course, it was only one evening, and this in no way means we want to have any more!)
2. This toddler/preschoool thing certainly has its challenges, but it is the most adorable age! Before we had children, I used to wish they could come out of the womb and be at least in fifth grade. I have always enjoyed teenagers, but young kids scared me to death. Now, sometimes I think I would do anything to keep them from growing up. I found myself crying this weekend just thinking about my three kids graduating from high school someday.
There are difficult days when I am tempted to begin a countdown to college, but mostly I cling to every moment with them as a priceless gift from God. And I was wrong . . . You can actually have an interesting conversation with a three-yr-old!
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
An Unexpected Gift
Do you ever somewhat jokingly ask God for something, knowing that it's pretty much "impossible" and will never happen? I myself practice this daily. My request? "Dear God - what I wouldn't give for just a couple more hours in the day!"
Today He actually granted my request.
As per my morning routine, I hit the snooze button several times when my alarm went off at 5:45. But I was meeting a friend for coffee at 7:30, so around 6:15 I finally rose, showered and got dressed. Something seemed a little wierd, but at that time in the morning, everything seems a little off to me!
I realized Danny wasn't in bed and went to the living room to check on him. Lately he's had a bad cough which has forced him to sleep sitting up on the couch some nights. As soon as I entered the living room, I saw it: the digital clock on our DVD player blinked at me - 4:33 am. I did a double-take. Yep, still 4:33.
Then it hit me. Rach & Zekers had been playing in our room the day before and must have hit the hour button - twice - on the clock beside the bed. So the dang thing was 2 hours off.
By this time I was fully awake, so going back to bed would have been useless. I decided to take advantage of my 2 extra hours. I took a long walk, spent time with God, got the kids' breakfast ready, and bought a week's worth of groceries - and had time to stop for coffee - all before 7:30. Wooohooooo!
And I discovered something. Everything is better before 7am! No traffic, no lines at Kroger or Walmart, the air feels cleaner and you can actually hear the birds singing. It's fun to watch the world wake up.
God is so good. He knows how weak the flesh can be, especially when it comes to getting out of bed. I am grateful for the extra hours (I even have time now to post!) I probably shouldn't get too excited, though - I may lose the hours tonight when I crash around 8:30.
Today He actually granted my request.
As per my morning routine, I hit the snooze button several times when my alarm went off at 5:45. But I was meeting a friend for coffee at 7:30, so around 6:15 I finally rose, showered and got dressed. Something seemed a little wierd, but at that time in the morning, everything seems a little off to me!
I realized Danny wasn't in bed and went to the living room to check on him. Lately he's had a bad cough which has forced him to sleep sitting up on the couch some nights. As soon as I entered the living room, I saw it: the digital clock on our DVD player blinked at me - 4:33 am. I did a double-take. Yep, still 4:33.
Then it hit me. Rach & Zekers had been playing in our room the day before and must have hit the hour button - twice - on the clock beside the bed. So the dang thing was 2 hours off.
By this time I was fully awake, so going back to bed would have been useless. I decided to take advantage of my 2 extra hours. I took a long walk, spent time with God, got the kids' breakfast ready, and bought a week's worth of groceries - and had time to stop for coffee - all before 7:30. Wooohooooo!
And I discovered something. Everything is better before 7am! No traffic, no lines at Kroger or Walmart, the air feels cleaner and you can actually hear the birds singing. It's fun to watch the world wake up.
God is so good. He knows how weak the flesh can be, especially when it comes to getting out of bed. I am grateful for the extra hours (I even have time now to post!) I probably shouldn't get too excited, though - I may lose the hours tonight when I crash around 8:30.
Friday, May 12, 2006
On The Move
Welcome to the Wright Family Circus . . . where Zekers is usually the ringmaster.
1. I was giving Karis a bath the other day, and Rachel came in to help. After about 15 minutes, it occurred to me that I had not seen or heard from Zekers in quite a while. (With a 2-yr-old, silence can be terrifying.) I turned to Rach and asked, "Do you know where your brother is?" To which she replied, quite matter of factly,"Oh, yes - he's in the dryer." I ran downstairs, opened the dryer door, and sure enough, there sat Zekers, sobbing. I've got to hand it to him, though - for someone who had been sitting in the dryer crying for over 15 minutes, he made a remarkable recovery. His first question upon being let out was, "Can I have a cookie, Mommy?" Evidently, he felt he deserved one.
2. Zekers has decided to become a walking (sitting) advertisement for Nick Jr. I personally like the look, but Daddy's not so thrilled. Apparently, he doesn't think it's possible to be a Backyardigan and a "Supercool Exploradora" simultaneously.
3. He succeeded, once again, in sabotaging our latest photo attempt. Poor Kari Bou.
4. And my personal favorite . . . . Yesterday, Zekers decided to streak his hair with Play Doh. I have never seen him so proud of himself. His self-congratulatulations soon turned to tears, of course, when Mommy tried to wash it out.
1. I was giving Karis a bath the other day, and Rachel came in to help. After about 15 minutes, it occurred to me that I had not seen or heard from Zekers in quite a while. (With a 2-yr-old, silence can be terrifying.) I turned to Rach and asked, "Do you know where your brother is?" To which she replied, quite matter of factly,"Oh, yes - he's in the dryer." I ran downstairs, opened the dryer door, and sure enough, there sat Zekers, sobbing. I've got to hand it to him, though - for someone who had been sitting in the dryer crying for over 15 minutes, he made a remarkable recovery. His first question upon being let out was, "Can I have a cookie, Mommy?" Evidently, he felt he deserved one.
2. Zekers has decided to become a walking (sitting) advertisement for Nick Jr. I personally like the look, but Daddy's not so thrilled. Apparently, he doesn't think it's possible to be a Backyardigan and a "Supercool Exploradora" simultaneously.
3. He succeeded, once again, in sabotaging our latest photo attempt. Poor Kari Bou.
4. And my personal favorite . . . . Yesterday, Zekers decided to streak his hair with Play Doh. I have never seen him so proud of himself. His self-congratulatulations soon turned to tears, of course, when Mommy tried to wash it out.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
The Meaning of Dead-ication
Today at Kroger the kids & I were talking about Sunday, when all the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins will be coming to church with us and staying for lunch afterward. After a while, Rachel became curious as to why they are all coming if it isn't anyone's birthday (she was extremely disappointed upon learning that it wasn't hers). I explained that we're having Karis dedicated.
Immediate tears resulted. I thought maybe she had bitten her tongue (again), but when I asked why she was crying, she replied, "Mommy, I want Karis to be alive."
I quickly explained to her that dedication means something completely different than DEAD. I told her soothingly that it just means we're giving her back to Jesus.
More tears. "But I want Karis to stay with ME!"
At this point I ran out of words. How do you expain baby dedication to a 3-yr-old who takes everything literally? We finally came to the conclusion that dedication means telling everyone at church that God gave us Karis, trusting Him with her life, and promising to do everything we can to help her love Jesus.
I'm dreading the day she asks about circumcision.
Immediate tears resulted. I thought maybe she had bitten her tongue (again), but when I asked why she was crying, she replied, "Mommy, I want Karis to be alive."
I quickly explained to her that dedication means something completely different than DEAD. I told her soothingly that it just means we're giving her back to Jesus.
More tears. "But I want Karis to stay with ME!"
At this point I ran out of words. How do you expain baby dedication to a 3-yr-old who takes everything literally? We finally came to the conclusion that dedication means telling everyone at church that God gave us Karis, trusting Him with her life, and promising to do everything we can to help her love Jesus.
I'm dreading the day she asks about circumcision.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
"Captivating": The Bottom Line
This is the conclusion of a series of reviews on John & Stasi Eldredge's book "Captivating." To start at the introduction, click here.
What did I like about this book?
As I stated earlier, I appreciated Stasi's gentleness and transparency about struggles she has faced and continues to face. I also appreciated what the authors had to say about women finding value in who they are instead of what they do (although I felt the baby was thrown out with the bathwater a few times on this one). I agreed wholeheartedly with the Eldredges' assertion that we must stop insisting that others fill us and begin looking to Christ. It has helped to know that women universally have some of the same yearnings and insecurities (I'm not the only nut job!). There were nuggets of truth to be found on relationships, beauty, healing and other topics.
What did I find distracting about the book?
I think some may enjoy the dozens of movie references throughout the book; however, I found so many to be a bit distracting. I love movies and music, but I don't know that they constitute solid backing for life principles. For example, Cinderella in no way gives credibility to the story of the virgin birth.
Also, the Eldredges use several words - such as "seduce", "arousal", "beauty" - claiming they mean one thing but obviously going another route. It's difficult to explain unless you read it yourself.
Do I recommend this book?
Overall it lacked depth. It missed the boat on several issues. Although they sprinkle the name of Christ throughout all 12 chapters, it is all in the context of what He can do for ME. It is a "me-centered" book. Therefore, its message is fundamentally anti-Biblical. If you're looking for a theraputic book on how to feel better about yourself, this one fits the bill. However, if you're looking to be challenged and stretched by applicable truth from God's Word, no way! As much as I would love to give a good recommendation, I have to say that generally, Captivating failed to live up to its name.
(Please understand that I read through this book once and liked it! Not until I began re-reading sections in order to write a review did all the subtle inconsistencies and faulty theology begin to surface. My intention was not to bash the Eldredges as people. I believe their message is well-intentioned but misguided. If you disagree with anything I've written, please feel free to comment or email me and I'd be happy to discuss it with you.)
What did I like about this book?
As I stated earlier, I appreciated Stasi's gentleness and transparency about struggles she has faced and continues to face. I also appreciated what the authors had to say about women finding value in who they are instead of what they do (although I felt the baby was thrown out with the bathwater a few times on this one). I agreed wholeheartedly with the Eldredges' assertion that we must stop insisting that others fill us and begin looking to Christ. It has helped to know that women universally have some of the same yearnings and insecurities (I'm not the only nut job!). There were nuggets of truth to be found on relationships, beauty, healing and other topics.
What did I find distracting about the book?
I think some may enjoy the dozens of movie references throughout the book; however, I found so many to be a bit distracting. I love movies and music, but I don't know that they constitute solid backing for life principles. For example, Cinderella in no way gives credibility to the story of the virgin birth.
Also, the Eldredges use several words - such as "seduce", "arousal", "beauty" - claiming they mean one thing but obviously going another route. It's difficult to explain unless you read it yourself.
Do I recommend this book?
Overall it lacked depth. It missed the boat on several issues. Although they sprinkle the name of Christ throughout all 12 chapters, it is all in the context of what He can do for ME. It is a "me-centered" book. Therefore, its message is fundamentally anti-Biblical. If you're looking for a theraputic book on how to feel better about yourself, this one fits the bill. However, if you're looking to be challenged and stretched by applicable truth from God's Word, no way! As much as I would love to give a good recommendation, I have to say that generally, Captivating failed to live up to its name.
(Please understand that I read through this book once and liked it! Not until I began re-reading sections in order to write a review did all the subtle inconsistencies and faulty theology begin to surface. My intention was not to bash the Eldredges as people. I believe their message is well-intentioned but misguided. If you disagree with anything I've written, please feel free to comment or email me and I'd be happy to discuss it with you.)
Saturday, May 06, 2006
"Captivating" part 4: Healing
This is part of a series of reviews on John & Stasi Eldredge's book "Captivating." To start at the introduction, click here.
"Here is the core reason we wrote this book: to let you know that the healing for your feminine heart is available, and to help you find that healing" (p. 96).
Of all the topics covered in the pages of Captivating, I came away most impressed, and most disappointed, by John's & Stasi's coverage of this one. Let me explain.
The Eldredges share numerous helpful insights on woundedness and restoration - both theoretical and practical. They discuss the importance of grieving - letting the tears flow over past hurts and admitting that the pain matters. They highlight the necessity of forgiving those who have wounded us, saying, "Forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling . . . It is an act of the will" (p. 103) They state that we must turn to Christ for healing, instead of to "our self-redemptive strategies" (p. 103).
Stasi gives a stirring account of the restoration that occurred between her and her mother. After a lifetime of feeling that she was always letting her mother down, she says God revealed to her that "the way my mother made me feel was the same way I made her feel. A disappoinment. An embarrassment. A failure" (p. 173). Stasi relates that she was "compelled by God to see her as soon as possible." She shared her true heart with her mother, asking for her forgiveness. And all the barriers came down. Stasi was able to spend one wonderful year with her mother before multiple myeloma finally claimed her life. My own tears flowed as I read her story.
I Corinthians 15 lays out the central healing message: "Christ died for our sins, according to the Scriptures. He was buried, He was raised on the third day, according to the Scriptures . . . "
What a wonderful hope for healing! And what a disappointment that John & Stasi Eldredge dance all around the central theme of the gospel, but never really share some of its core tenets - sin and repentance. The bottom line: they preach a feel-good gospel, a gospel of healing and comfort and self-esteem; but they fail to mention that the ONLY road to true healing lies in acknowleging my sin before a holy and righteous God and turning from it to follow Him. The closest the authors come to laying out the gospel is as follows:
Check out Matthew 9:1-8. Instead of immediately healing the paralytic, Jesus says, "Your sins are forgiven." Then, to authenticate His message, He heals the man's physical condition. Take a look at John 4 - Jesus' encounter with the Samaritan woman. To her surprise, He offers her not well water (the temporary solution to a physical thirst), but living water (eternal life).
What John & Stasi share about healing isn't untrue. Christ does offer healing for the brokenhearted. But this statement doesn't go far enough. Emotional healing is a fringe benefit that comes from a life submitted to the Savior! Our purpose in life is not to find healing for ourselves but to glorify our Lord.
I'm not downplaying the importance of recovering from emotional scars. Each of us has suffered to varying degrees as a result of the finite nature of our parents, friends and others. But the primary healing Christ offers is healing of the spirit, found in acknowleging our guilt and submitting to His Lordship. He offers so much more than a temporary fix - He freely gives us eternal life, through His atoning sacrifice.
Coming Soon: The Bottom Line
"Here is the core reason we wrote this book: to let you know that the healing for your feminine heart is available, and to help you find that healing" (p. 96).
Of all the topics covered in the pages of Captivating, I came away most impressed, and most disappointed, by John's & Stasi's coverage of this one. Let me explain.
The Eldredges share numerous helpful insights on woundedness and restoration - both theoretical and practical. They discuss the importance of grieving - letting the tears flow over past hurts and admitting that the pain matters. They highlight the necessity of forgiving those who have wounded us, saying, "Forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling . . . It is an act of the will" (p. 103) They state that we must turn to Christ for healing, instead of to "our self-redemptive strategies" (p. 103).
Stasi gives a stirring account of the restoration that occurred between her and her mother. After a lifetime of feeling that she was always letting her mother down, she says God revealed to her that "the way my mother made me feel was the same way I made her feel. A disappoinment. An embarrassment. A failure" (p. 173). Stasi relates that she was "compelled by God to see her as soon as possible." She shared her true heart with her mother, asking for her forgiveness. And all the barriers came down. Stasi was able to spend one wonderful year with her mother before multiple myeloma finally claimed her life. My own tears flowed as I read her story.
I Corinthians 15 lays out the central healing message: "Christ died for our sins, according to the Scriptures. He was buried, He was raised on the third day, according to the Scriptures . . . "
What a wonderful hope for healing! And what a disappointment that John & Stasi Eldredge dance all around the central theme of the gospel, but never really share some of its core tenets - sin and repentance. The bottom line: they preach a feel-good gospel, a gospel of healing and comfort and self-esteem; but they fail to mention that the ONLY road to true healing lies in acknowleging my sin before a holy and righteous God and turning from it to follow Him. The closest the authors come to laying out the gospel is as follows:
Jesus . . . came, he died, he rose again for us. He was given all authority in heaven and on earth for us (pp.195-6).But without an understanding of our sin, Christ's death and resurrection are . . . pointless.
Check out Matthew 9:1-8. Instead of immediately healing the paralytic, Jesus says, "Your sins are forgiven." Then, to authenticate His message, He heals the man's physical condition. Take a look at John 4 - Jesus' encounter with the Samaritan woman. To her surprise, He offers her not well water (the temporary solution to a physical thirst), but living water (eternal life).
What John & Stasi share about healing isn't untrue. Christ does offer healing for the brokenhearted. But this statement doesn't go far enough. Emotional healing is a fringe benefit that comes from a life submitted to the Savior! Our purpose in life is not to find healing for ourselves but to glorify our Lord.
I'm not downplaying the importance of recovering from emotional scars. Each of us has suffered to varying degrees as a result of the finite nature of our parents, friends and others. But the primary healing Christ offers is healing of the spirit, found in acknowleging our guilt and submitting to His Lordship. He offers so much more than a temporary fix - He freely gives us eternal life, through His atoning sacrifice.
Coming Soon: The Bottom Line
Friday, May 05, 2006
Garage Sale Follies
OK, I was all set to write out a plethora of helpful hints on garage saling, but after the last couple of days, this post has taken a different twist! My "helpful hints" have turned into "things to avoid at all costs."
1. When a community garage sale is advertised in the paper for a certain couple of days, don't go a day early hoping to "beat the rush." You won't find a whole lot.
2. It is NOT an incredible deal to buy a Polly Pocket house for $1.50, if you have to spend $4.87 at Wal-Mart later that day because you realize your daughter does not have a Polly Pocket.
3. Do not attempt to buy an item that is not for sale. (for example: a wagon another shopper has left standing empty for a minute)
4. It's probably not a good idea, when you purchase one 50-cent item, to pay with a $50 bill (especially when you're one of the first customers).
5. Under no circumstance should you ever attempt to carry two carseats, a flotation device, a sleeping bag and a purse more than 8 blocks. This can cause severe cramping of the arms, lasting up to 12 hours (and making it very difficult to type).
6. Never park in such a way that you block a non-garage sale driveway because you need a parking spot and you think the person living there isn't home!
7. Sometimes an item will not have a price sticker, and the seller will just ask you to pay whatever you think the item is worth. If you suggest a price that makes her smile from ear to ear and jump up and down with delight while shouting, "That works for me!", chances are, you could have gotten away with paying a lot less.
8. Don't smile and wave at the angry redneck behind you who thinks you cut him off. Things can get a little scary from that point . . . (at least the whole community knows his horn works very well!)
It was a rough couple of hours, but I guess coming home with 2 carseats, a wagon, toys, blocks, clothing, shoes, movies, a sleeping bag and a baby flotation device for less than $25 helped a little.
1. When a community garage sale is advertised in the paper for a certain couple of days, don't go a day early hoping to "beat the rush." You won't find a whole lot.
2. It is NOT an incredible deal to buy a Polly Pocket house for $1.50, if you have to spend $4.87 at Wal-Mart later that day because you realize your daughter does not have a Polly Pocket.
3. Do not attempt to buy an item that is not for sale. (for example: a wagon another shopper has left standing empty for a minute)
4. It's probably not a good idea, when you purchase one 50-cent item, to pay with a $50 bill (especially when you're one of the first customers).
5. Under no circumstance should you ever attempt to carry two carseats, a flotation device, a sleeping bag and a purse more than 8 blocks. This can cause severe cramping of the arms, lasting up to 12 hours (and making it very difficult to type).
6. Never park in such a way that you block a non-garage sale driveway because you need a parking spot and you think the person living there isn't home!
7. Sometimes an item will not have a price sticker, and the seller will just ask you to pay whatever you think the item is worth. If you suggest a price that makes her smile from ear to ear and jump up and down with delight while shouting, "That works for me!", chances are, you could have gotten away with paying a lot less.
8. Don't smile and wave at the angry redneck behind you who thinks you cut him off. Things can get a little scary from that point . . . (at least the whole community knows his horn works very well!)
It was a rough couple of hours, but I guess coming home with 2 carseats, a wagon, toys, blocks, clothing, shoes, movies, a sleeping bag and a baby flotation device for less than $25 helped a little.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
"Captivating" part 3: Romance and Seduction
This is part of a series of reviews on John & Stasi Eldredge's book "Captivating." To start at the introduction, click here.
ROMANCE
I'd like to simply bring to your attention one quote on this topic and then respond.
Really? According to Ephesians 5 (among other passages), the bride of Christ is the church - not any one individual, and certainly not me personally! Does it bother anyone else to place yourself and Christ in a scene from a movie where the 2 characters end up getting it on in the back of a Model T in the cargo section of the ship!?
To substantiate their statements regarding romance in the world around us, the Eldredges quote Dan Fogelburg's Longer. This just struck me as kind of funny!
SEDUCTION
I’d also like to focus on two quotes from the chapter entitled, “Arousing Adam.”
John Eldredge, who wrote most of this chapter, says at its conclusion: “The sexual connotation of seduce may have some of you struggling still with all those situations in which sexual intimacy is not appropriate. We mean it as a principle, a picture of how femininity can arouse masculinity in many, many ways.”
As defined on www.dictionary.com, “Seduce” means: 1. To lead away from duty, accepted principles, or proper conduct. 2.To induce to engage in sex. 3. To entice or beguile into a desired state or position. 4. To win over; attract.
I wish Edredge would clarify his intended meaning of this word when he first uses it, seeing that the primary meanings in the dictionary have very negative connotations; I felt his usage of this word distracts from the point he tries to make. (If you went to see a movie titled "Seduction" would you expect to see good things???) Immediately following his initial comment, he describes a scene of sexual seduction between a husband and wife, then stating that this carries over far beyond sex and marriage.
He makes the point that allowing oneself to become vulnerable as a woman will often arouse a man to play the hero (I believe he uses the words, “rise to the occasion” p. 154.) He urges women to be inviting, instead of emasculating or desolate. Good point – I agree. What I take issue with is the example he uses, from the movie A Walk in the Clouds. He cites the main character’s wife as a bad example. She is not an arousing woman; therefore, he has an affair with a young Hispanic woman who is inviting, almost seeming to justify the man’s action. If his wife had been more alluring, he wouldn’t have looked elsewhere for affirmation.
Eldredge states (p. 151) that pornography addiction, for men, is “not about sex – it’s about validation.” Honestly, I have no idea whether or not this is true, not being a man myself. It’s an interesting point.
John & Stasi have some great things to say on the topic of looking to ANY human being – husband, wife, etc. – to fill us or validate us. They make it very clear that our primary validation must come from God alone (p. 153). I would have liked to see them explain along with this that God is a lot more than just a means of our validation, but still – good insights.
Almost finished - I promise!! Next is the topic of "Healing" (which is the main purpose of the book), and then some concluding thoughts.
ROMANCE
I'd like to simply bring to your attention one quote on this topic and then respond.
Let's go back for a moment to the movies that you love. Think of some of the most romantic scenes you can remember, scenes that made you sigh. Jack with Rose on the bow of the Titanic, his arms around her waist, their first kiss . . . Aragorn, standing with Arwen in the moonlight on the bridge in Rivendell, declaring his love for her. Edward returning for Elinor in Sense and Sensibility . . .
Now, put yourself in the scene as the Beauty, and Jesus as the Lover . . . you can see that there is healing for your heart in moving toward this. It's okay. It's quite biblical. Jesus calls himself the Bridegroom (Matt. 25:1-10, John 3:29).
Really? According to Ephesians 5 (among other passages), the bride of Christ is the church - not any one individual, and certainly not me personally! Does it bother anyone else to place yourself and Christ in a scene from a movie where the 2 characters end up getting it on in the back of a Model T in the cargo section of the ship!?
To substantiate their statements regarding romance in the world around us, the Eldredges quote Dan Fogelburg's Longer. This just struck me as kind of funny!
SEDUCTION
I’d also like to focus on two quotes from the chapter entitled, “Arousing Adam.”
The question before us is, ‘How does a woman best love a man?’ The answer is simple: seduce him.Men, is this true?? (I know you’re thinking, “Sounds good to me!” But seriously . . . )
John Eldredge, who wrote most of this chapter, says at its conclusion: “The sexual connotation of seduce may have some of you struggling still with all those situations in which sexual intimacy is not appropriate. We mean it as a principle, a picture of how femininity can arouse masculinity in many, many ways.”
As defined on www.dictionary.com, “Seduce” means: 1. To lead away from duty, accepted principles, or proper conduct. 2.To induce to engage in sex. 3. To entice or beguile into a desired state or position. 4. To win over; attract.
I wish Edredge would clarify his intended meaning of this word when he first uses it, seeing that the primary meanings in the dictionary have very negative connotations; I felt his usage of this word distracts from the point he tries to make. (If you went to see a movie titled "Seduction" would you expect to see good things???) Immediately following his initial comment, he describes a scene of sexual seduction between a husband and wife, then stating that this carries over far beyond sex and marriage.
He makes the point that allowing oneself to become vulnerable as a woman will often arouse a man to play the hero (I believe he uses the words, “rise to the occasion” p. 154.) He urges women to be inviting, instead of emasculating or desolate. Good point – I agree. What I take issue with is the example he uses, from the movie A Walk in the Clouds. He cites the main character’s wife as a bad example. She is not an arousing woman; therefore, he has an affair with a young Hispanic woman who is inviting, almost seeming to justify the man’s action. If his wife had been more alluring, he wouldn’t have looked elsewhere for affirmation.
Eldredge states (p. 151) that pornography addiction, for men, is “not about sex – it’s about validation.” Honestly, I have no idea whether or not this is true, not being a man myself. It’s an interesting point.
John & Stasi have some great things to say on the topic of looking to ANY human being – husband, wife, etc. – to fill us or validate us. They make it very clear that our primary validation must come from God alone (p. 153). I would have liked to see them explain along with this that God is a lot more than just a means of our validation, but still – good insights.
Almost finished - I promise!! Next is the topic of "Healing" (which is the main purpose of the book), and then some concluding thoughts.
Monday, May 01, 2006
"Captivating" part 2: Essential Beauty
This is part of a series of reviews on John & Stasi Eldredge's book "Captivating." To start at the introduction, click here.
I absolutely loved reading what the Eldredges had to say about how beautiful I am - how powerful and mysterious and noble. I was feeling pretty darn good about myself, until the Spirit reminded me to measure the validity of these thoughts against God's Word. (Now why does He have to go and rain on my self-glorifying parade?)
With this in mind, here are just a few thoughts to consider:
1. John & Stasi Eldredge assert that Eve was (and all women are) the crown of creation. Why? Because created things continued on a progression throughout the week of creation. Each thing was more noble, intricate and mysterious than those created previously. And Eve was created last (pp. 24-25).
Scripture's Response: Psalm 8 seems to indicate that man (meaning "humankind") is the crown of creation. Man is crowned with glory and honor, made a little lower than the angels, and given leadership over other created things. Nowhere in Scripture is woman said to be the most glorious, or the "crown of creation."
Also, how could Eve be greater than Adam in any way when she was formed from his rib? Everything else was created ex nihilo - "out of nothing." And of these, Adam was the greatest. Eve was not created out of nothing, but out of Adam. She was part of him - not some separate and greater creation! Scripture seems to indicate that both together were (and are) the crown of creation.
2. Satan hates women more than men, because of their beauty (p. 84). The Eldgedges hypothesize that since Satan's great beauty made him proud, resulting in his downfall (Ezek. 28:17), he now hates Eve with a special jealous hatred, and his central passion is to destroy beauty - namely, women.
Scripture's Response: Two things come to mind. First, Rev. 12:9 says that "He (Satan) leads the whole world astray." I could not find one reference to a special hatred for women (If you know of one, please let me know!). Second, I'm wondering, since Satan's fall, has he become ugly?? Scripture says nothing about him losing his beauty, so I assume he's still beautiful. In fact, he masquerades as an "angel of light" (2 Cor. 11:14). It just doesn't logically make sense that he would be jealous of beauty.
3. "Beauty is without doubt the most essential of all God's qualities" (p. 40) They refer to Isaiah 6:3, which states that the created world is filled with the glory of God.
Scripture's Response: Hey, great verse, but it in no way substantiates their claim. Certainly, beauty is part of God's nature; He created beauty and desires that we enjoy His magnificent creation. But the most essential of all His qualities? I have yet to find a passage in Scripture that says beauty is more essential, than, say, His holiness or omnipotence.
4. "You are hated because of your beauty and power" (85). "He (God's Son) came to restore the glorious creature that you are. And then set you free . . . to be yourself" (95).
Scripture's Response: It sounds as though I am beautiful and powerful on my own. No mention is made of Christ's atoning sacrifice and the fact that He rescued me (see previous post!) out of my filth and ugliness to become beautiful. I am a sinful person, with no beauty or power except that which He has freely given me (Rom. 3:23, Isaiah 61:1-3). Praise be to God!
Stasi does share a few nuggests of truth, such as "Beauty flows from a heart at rest" (133). She also states that God wants intimacy with the real you, not with the person you think you are supposed to be. It is unfortunate that statements such as these are overshadowed by a multitude of statements with no Scriptural backing.
A parting thought:
"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world, and the despised things, and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him. It is because of HIM that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God - that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written, "Let him who boasts, boast in the LORD" (I Cor. 1:27-31)
Coming Soon: Romance & Arousal
I absolutely loved reading what the Eldredges had to say about how beautiful I am - how powerful and mysterious and noble. I was feeling pretty darn good about myself, until the Spirit reminded me to measure the validity of these thoughts against God's Word. (Now why does He have to go and rain on my self-glorifying parade?)
With this in mind, here are just a few thoughts to consider:
1. John & Stasi Eldredge assert that Eve was (and all women are) the crown of creation. Why? Because created things continued on a progression throughout the week of creation. Each thing was more noble, intricate and mysterious than those created previously. And Eve was created last (pp. 24-25).
Scripture's Response: Psalm 8 seems to indicate that man (meaning "humankind") is the crown of creation. Man is crowned with glory and honor, made a little lower than the angels, and given leadership over other created things. Nowhere in Scripture is woman said to be the most glorious, or the "crown of creation."
Also, how could Eve be greater than Adam in any way when she was formed from his rib? Everything else was created ex nihilo - "out of nothing." And of these, Adam was the greatest. Eve was not created out of nothing, but out of Adam. She was part of him - not some separate and greater creation! Scripture seems to indicate that both together were (and are) the crown of creation.
2. Satan hates women more than men, because of their beauty (p. 84). The Eldgedges hypothesize that since Satan's great beauty made him proud, resulting in his downfall (Ezek. 28:17), he now hates Eve with a special jealous hatred, and his central passion is to destroy beauty - namely, women.
Scripture's Response: Two things come to mind. First, Rev. 12:9 says that "He (Satan) leads the whole world astray." I could not find one reference to a special hatred for women (If you know of one, please let me know!). Second, I'm wondering, since Satan's fall, has he become ugly?? Scripture says nothing about him losing his beauty, so I assume he's still beautiful. In fact, he masquerades as an "angel of light" (2 Cor. 11:14). It just doesn't logically make sense that he would be jealous of beauty.
3. "Beauty is without doubt the most essential of all God's qualities" (p. 40) They refer to Isaiah 6:3, which states that the created world is filled with the glory of God.
Scripture's Response: Hey, great verse, but it in no way substantiates their claim. Certainly, beauty is part of God's nature; He created beauty and desires that we enjoy His magnificent creation. But the most essential of all His qualities? I have yet to find a passage in Scripture that says beauty is more essential, than, say, His holiness or omnipotence.
4. "You are hated because of your beauty and power" (85). "He (God's Son) came to restore the glorious creature that you are. And then set you free . . . to be yourself" (95).
Scripture's Response: It sounds as though I am beautiful and powerful on my own. No mention is made of Christ's atoning sacrifice and the fact that He rescued me (see previous post!) out of my filth and ugliness to become beautiful. I am a sinful person, with no beauty or power except that which He has freely given me (Rom. 3:23, Isaiah 61:1-3). Praise be to God!
Stasi does share a few nuggests of truth, such as "Beauty flows from a heart at rest" (133). She also states that God wants intimacy with the real you, not with the person you think you are supposed to be. It is unfortunate that statements such as these are overshadowed by a multitude of statements with no Scriptural backing.
A parting thought:
"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world, and the despised things, and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him. It is because of HIM that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God - that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written, "Let him who boasts, boast in the LORD" (I Cor. 1:27-31)
Coming Soon: Romance & Arousal
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