A Smattering of Reviews

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

Last summer Danny and I participated in one small-group study on this book, and led another. Here's the short version of my thoughts (as the long version is usually way too scary!):

The premise of the book is taken from Ephesians 5, where men are commanded to give their wives unconditional love, and women are commanded to give their husbands unconditional respect. Eggerichs primarily emphasizes the importance of respect throughout, encouraging wives that when husbands feel honored, they are more likely to reciprocate with love.

The entire first section could have easily been condensed into one chapter. It was very repetitive. And repeated the same concepts. Over and over again. The author lays out some of the differences in communication between men and women, pointing out how easy it is for wives to unintentionally cut down husbands by many of the seemingly harmless comments we make.

I enjoyed the sections "For Men Only" and "For Women Only", where Eggerichs goes into greater detail about the needs of women and men, respectively. This part was a real eye-opener for me. I never realized, for instance, just how important it is for Danny to be assured of both my respect and my gratitude. He also lays out concepts like "shoulder to shoulder" time, explaining that it means a great deal to a man just to know his wife is in the same room with him enjoying a game, and talking is not even necessary!

Overall it was a decent book - practical and interesting to read (although quite repetitive - did I already say that??). But if you're looking for a marriage book that emphasizes Christ and the gospel, this book is sure to disappoint. The concluding section is the best one in this regard; but the book as a whole was definitely written more from a psychological, as opposed to a theological, standpoint. Although it was built around Ephesians 5:33, it failed to discuss the verse's context, where Paul sets forth marriage as a picture of Christ and the church. While much of the author's advice can benefit a marriage relationship, I just felt Eggerichs didn't quite go deep enough. As in Debi Pearl's book, it focused primarily on outward behaviors rather than heart issues.


The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace

I had the privilege to participate in a women's study on this book, and found the content to be solid gold. Martha Peace tackles tough issues, such as confronting a spouse on sin; submission; how to respond in a godly way to an unbelieving spouse; and spousal abuse, even going into the legal action a wife can take in such a situation.

She doesn't take it easy on the reader. This book is convicting and thought-provoking, with a wealth of practical application. However, it is not well-written. I felt that MP could have benefited from a good editor. And, perhaps for this reason, it was also rather abrasive. After a while, I started counting all the times I read the words "You must repent!" in each chapter. While I didn't necessarily disagree with this diagnosis - any positive change in my marriage must begin with a change of heart - the way she wrote was a bit of a turn-off. I so appreciated her biblical approach; however, I have read books by other authors who are just as biblical and much more gracious.