And it was Good

Malachi has had quite the eventful week. Several days ago, he received his first "shiner" when he pulled a metal chair down on himself. He has also discovered that he can make a lovely mess by taking a mouthful of veggies (preferably green), and blowing them forcefully back out. Yesterday, I took him out of his high chair and began doing dishes. A few minutes later, I turned to see Kari Bou feeding him her chocolate cake. I guess that's the difference between the 1st child and the 4th for me: If Rachel had eaten chocolate cake as a baby, or anything with - gasp! - sugar in it, for that matter, I would have blown a gasket instead of laughing and grabbing the camera. Good times . . .

The most marvelous thing happened tonight while I was taking out the trash. As I made my way gingerly across the driveway (no shoes, of course!), I happened to glance up at the night sky and stopped short. I can't think how to describe it except to say that it was alive with stars. They all seemed to be doing this huge silent dance together, in honor of the One who crafted them and set them in the heavens.

I suddenly felt very small and insignificant, staring up at all that greatness. And I wished that I could go on standing there, small and insignificant and gazing up at the star-studded sky, for a very long time. Somehow God seems closer, and I find my thoughts turning more toward him, while standing in awe of his creation.

"And God said, 'Let there be light', and there was light."

A Battery-Induced Epiphany

There is almost nothing more frustrating than having all my carefully-laid-out plans blow up in my face. I suppose God knows when I need a good dose of humility, and another reminder that I am not the one in control.

For weeks, the kiddos have been looking forward to Vacation Bible School at the church of some good friends. I put it on the calendar about a month ago, and have been telling them all week when they would ask, "Only a few more days until VBS." For some reason, yesterday morning, I thought to myself, "That's strange. We're supposed to leave for 2 weeks next Wednesday, which means we'd miss the last half of VBS, and I was thinking they'd be going for the whole week." So, I double-checked the calendar and sure enough - it' actually going on this week!

This realization struck about 10 minutes before Rachel was to leave to attend another VBS with another friend. Zekers, of course, flatly refused to go without Rach, so she ended up attending with her other friend while Zekers, Karis, Malachi and I walked to the newly-remodeled library and took in a ventriloquist show.

Although I was completely outraged at myself, I thought at least the kiddos would be able to attend the last 2 days of the first VBS. I also realized that this was my golden opportunity to do some garage saling - much easier with only 2 munchkins in tow. I researched all the area garage sales online, printed out the addresses, and came up with my "shopping strategy", so as to fit them all in the allotted time between dropping off and picking up the kiddos.

This morning, we loaded everything in the van, including all the kiddos and a neighborhood friend, and prepared to take off. I had the entire shebang planned to the minute, and couldn't wait to get started. I turned the key in the ignition and . . . nothing. The van battery had gone utterly, completely dead.

I'll spare you the details and just say that the kiddos and I ended up waiting about 45 minutes for Danny to arrive back from a meeting and rescue us. Thankfully he was able to come and push the van out of the garage for a jump-start. My hero! But I can tell you that those first moments, realizing that my plan was not going to happen, were not some of the more sanctified moments of my life!

I stewed and I fretted. Nothing was going the way it was supposed to. Didn't God know how much work I had put into the morning's itinerary? Didn't He realize this was supposed to be MY morning? Did He care that even as I paced the yard, those Polly Pockets and size 6 dresses and 25-cent hot wheels were probably being snatched up by someone whose van was actually running? And worst of all, that the munchkins were probably going to miss out on their once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see Chatter the Squirrel??

In that moment, God flooded my thoughts with verses from Genesis and Exodus, which I've been working my way through the past couple of weeks. Verses about his sovereignty. Accounts of his perfect timing and absolute power - over the lives of human beings, the earth and sea, and the entire course of history.

In that moment, I knew I had a choice: to stubbornly cling to bitterness and mental raving because MY PLAN had been messed up; or to surrender to HIS PLAN for my day. I know it seems like such a silly thing to get all worked up about, but I can be quite mulish when it comes to my schedule and the way I think things should go. It's a control thing, like just about every other sin.

Suddenly, the thought sprang into my head: When you speak the universe into existence, you can start calling the shots! And I started laughing - at myself and the silliness of letting a 45-minute setback send me into such a tailspin. Did I really think God's agenda for my day would somehow be less beneficial than mine? From that moment, I chose (completely by God's grace) to view the entire day as an adventure that God had already planned out for me and for the rest of the family.

Amazingly, I made it to all of the garage sales on my list (although not in time to get the Polly Pockets), and I found some really great buys. Even more amazingly, Rach and Zekers got to VBS in time to see their beloved Chatter the Squirrel. I had the most wonderful time just driving around with the radio cranked, and of course, getting to use numerous bathrooms belonging to total strangers (which inevitably happens when you're with Kari Bou). The kiddos had a blast, and it turns out that the 2 different VBS's that Rachel attended were doing the exact same theme, so she was excited to get to sing the same songs and see the same characters both days, even at 2 different places.

And such a difference it's made, just releasing to God the control that's His anyway. All day long, I've been flooded with joy and such peace. It's ok to make plans, as long as I remember that it's God who ultimately determines the course of my day, my week, my life. So thanks, LORD, for the dead battery. And thanks for a husband who can recharge it!

Moments

Well, I learned an important lesson on Father's Day. Attempts to photograph 4 squirmy children together before church, with the sun in their eyes, will result in disaster! Ah well, it was a good thought. At any rate, I thought it was sweet that Danny insisted on buying the girls matching dresses when we saw them on sale over the weekend. Normally, clothes shopping is right up there with scrubbing toilets on his list of not-so-favorite ways to spend time. So for him to express an opinion about anything in a clothing store was pretty remarkable, and I felt compelled to submit!

Karis came out onto the porch one day this weekend and asked, "Watcha doin', Dad?" He replied, "I'm reading my Bible, Boo Bear." With an exasperated look on her little round face, she protested, "But you already did that yesterday!" We both kind of chuckled, and then he explained that he likes to read the Bible every day, because it helps him become more like Jesus. A few minutes later, she climbed up next to him and just sat there with her little zebra, watching him read.

It's simple moments like these that make me indescribably grateful for God's blessings in our lives.

Waste and Shopping

I'm usually not one to gush about something I've heard or read; but in this case, if I'm to be honest, I have to say that 2 books I've recently read have changed me - or, more accurately, that God has used these 2 pieces of literature as instruments of change in my life. Gradual, just-beginning, slow, painful, marvelous and much-needed change.

The first of these, Don't Waste Your Life, by John Piper, has caused me to seriously rethink some of my life goals and as a result, how I spend my time. How can I live the moments of my everyday life in order to best enjoy and display God's supremacy for the joy of all people? This is the heart of the matter. I long to boast only in the cross of Christ, the blazing center of the glory of God, and nothing else. I long to pour my life into something that really matters - to make a durable difference in this world. I long to embrace pain and hardship as that which draws me so much closer to Jesus Christ. And after reading this book, I long to die well (whenever and however that may be) - as someone who prizes Christ above life itself.

God's glory shines more brightly when he satisfies us in times of loss than when he provides for us in times of plenty . . . When everything in life is stripped away except God, and we trust him more because of it, this is gain, and he is glorified. (p. 72-73)

In his concluding prayer: This is your love, O God, not to make much of me, but to do whatever must be done so that I waken to the joy of making much of you through all eternity.(p. 186)

It sounds silly, but after finishing the last sentence on the last page of the last chapter of this book, I felt like a cartoon character who's just been knocked down and sits there, stunned, with little birdies flying around his head. I knew that nothing would - nothing ever could - be quite the same. And yet, I'm so weak. When Jesus tells the disciples that "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak", that resonates with me in every area of life. But what to do about it?????


Enter the second book: Shopping for Time: How to Do It All and NOT Be Overwhelmed. I believe God practically handed me this book on a silver platter! I was almost through reading about how not to waste my life, when Danny found this book in his office (having no idea where it had come from) and brought it home for me, thinking I might benefit from it.

Wouldn't you know - the very next day I got sick - so sick, in fact, that for 2 days I was pretty much couch-bound, with no strength to do anything but read this book (and watch the season finale of LOST)!

And in the 94 pages of this little volume, I found a wealth of practical ways to apply the first book - to begin to put feet to the desires of my heart. Carolyn and her daughters share valuable insight on five ways to make the best use of time: 1)Rise early (ugh), 2) Sit still, 3)Sit and plan, 4)Consider People, and 5)Plan to Depend.

Without getting too specific, I'll just say: I know what I need to do, and I'm trying by God's grace, to do it. I am deeply grateful for any prayers sent up on my behalf about all of this; I feel like more than ever before, my own inadequacies loom large before me, and I guess maybe this isn't a bad thing - just hard. I've had to face some difficult realities, one of them being that the way I spend my time and live my life speak to the fact that I don't treasure Christ above all else. Wow, that's really hard to type out. The flesh is indeed weak. Maybe I'll elaborate more in a future post; but for now, I pray that He will become greater in my life, and that I will become less.

But may it never be that I should boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me and I to the world. Galations 6:14