For the last couple of weeks, we've been devoting a lot more attention to the area of obedience with the kids. I realized that I have basically trained them not to take me seriously until the 3rd or 4th time I ask them to do something, and by then I'm frustrated and end up using what I'll call an "less-than-sanctified tone" with them.
So we've been working on getting them to obey the first time they receive instruction. The greatest challenge has been remaining consistent, no matter how inconvenient it is for me. But it's actually begun to work - today I called Rach, Zekers and Kari Bou, who were playing in the snow, to come over to the van, and Presto! They all came right away. No cajoling. No yelling. Not even the need to call them a second time. I don't remember that EVER happening before. Not that they're that cooperative 100% of the time, but we're working on it. And they seem so much happier with clearly-defined boundaries.
Of course, Rachel being Rachel, she has to find a loophole to every rule. The other day, after I asked her to stay seated until she finished her dinner, she delayed obeying by coming over to me and giving me a hug and a kiss, saying "I just can't sit down because I want to show you that I love you." She's actually pulled this stunt before, and I've always thought, now what in the world do I do with this one? What kind of a jerk punishes her daughter for kissing her? I mean, does she lay in bed at night thinking of all the ways to stop me short, or does this just come naturally for her?
But this time, I calmly replied, "You know, Sweetie, the best way to show me you love me is to obey. Now sit in your chair, please - there will be plenty of opportunity for hugs and kisses later." As soon as she realized this wasn't going to end the way she had planned, she sat right down and ate her dinner - and asked to be excused when she had finished. And we gladly dished out hugs and kisses (and zerberts!) after dinner.
I'm really not sure who's being reprogrammed here - me or the kids . . .
8 comments:
But this time, I calmly replied, "You know, Sweetie, the best way to show me you love me is to obey. Now sit in your chair, please
I was raised in a religious sub-culture that taught 'theology' like this too. I have since come to realize that it is not altogether true, so therefore refrain from 'teaching' my children such erroneous views of their heavenly Father. The best way to show our Father we love Him is to love Him. Our obedience is a factor in that process, but not the 'best' way, or the 'only' way. Neither is it the 'best' way for our children to show their love to us.
Ok, enough preaching. While I do believe all that I said above, I was also speaking with a little (or big) tongue firmly planted in cheek. We have also found that consistency (which I totally lack) is the best method of child-training. (Even if you're teaching them how to throw a hatchet.)
hm, how about John 14:23 (Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching.") and 1 John 5:3 (This is love for God: to obey his commands.")? It does appear that the way we demonstrate our love for God is by obedience.
charity - your rachel is certainly a sharp one! ah, to be able to crawl inside her brain and see how it all works in there :)
you beat me to it ~d.
~d - You are 100% correct. In fact, you could also bring in Samuel's response to Saul with the Amalek...
He was supposed to kill all of Amalek, but instead, he decided to save some of the best sheep for sacrifice. But that's not what God wanted-- He wanted obedience.
So, Samuel shows up, asks what the smell is, and Saul says "I just wanted to show God love by offering the best sheep and saving the best," (not unlike Rachel wanting to shower you with kissed) and Samuel replies with the line for the ages:
"To obey is better than to sacrifice." Which was exactly your lesson. It was better for Saul to do what he was told.
Good luck with that consistency-- it's difficult, and a lot more work than using your voice as a broken remote control. :)
Thanks for the comments, y'all! i do strongly believe, based on the passages mentioned above, and many many others, that God's "love language" is obedience; and the primary way our children learn to obey Christ at this point in their lives is to obey their parents. I know immediate results aren't the litmus test, but we have seen an amazing change in their behavior lately that I know is more than coincidence. I will say that I have been much less stressed (which has meant way less yelling!), and enjoy my kids - and everything else - so much more now that they are learning to obey.
whenever we discipline our kids we also use it as a time to instruct them from the Word and to pray with them. It can be time-consuming, and we're not 100% consistent with it, but we're trying - and it's been so cool having those times with them.
I definitely approve of the Ken Kesey read. Did you like it?
Esther does the same thing that Rachel does! I think she learned from the master! Whenever I try to punish her, she starts crying and saying "but I just love you, hug me mommy". She knows that she doesn't get out of punishment, but it does tug at your heart strings.
Hannah
david - i loved it - couldn't put it down. i guess i need to update my reading list, eh?
shoemama - yep, that's something rach tries to pull, too. You'd think they were related or something .. .
Post a Comment