"Captivating" part 3: Romance and Seduction

This is part of a series of reviews on John & Stasi Eldredge's book "Captivating." To start at the introduction, click here.

ROMANCE

I'd like to simply bring to your attention one quote on this topic and then respond.

Let's go back for a moment to the movies that you love. Think of some of the most romantic scenes you can remember, scenes that made you sigh. Jack with Rose on the bow of the Titanic, his arms around her waist, their first kiss . . . Aragorn, standing with Arwen in the moonlight on the bridge in Rivendell, declaring his love for her. Edward returning for Elinor in Sense and Sensibility . . .

Now, put yourself in the scene as the Beauty, and Jesus as the Lover . . . you can see that there is healing for your heart in moving toward this. It's okay. It's quite biblical. Jesus calls himself the Bridegroom (Matt. 25:1-10, John 3:29).

Really? According to Ephesians 5 (among other passages), the bride of Christ is the church - not any one individual, and certainly not me personally! Does it bother anyone else to place yourself and Christ in a scene from a movie where the 2 characters end up getting it on in the back of a Model T in the cargo section of the ship!?

To substantiate their statements regarding romance in the world around us, the Eldredges quote Dan Fogelburg's Longer. This just struck me as kind of funny!


SEDUCTION

I’d also like to focus on two quotes from the chapter entitled, “Arousing Adam.”

The question before us is, ‘How does a woman best love a man?’ The answer is simple: seduce him.

Men, is this true?? (I know you’re thinking, “Sounds good to me!” But seriously . . . )

John Eldredge, who wrote most of this chapter, says at its conclusion: “The sexual connotation of seduce may have some of you struggling still with all those situations in which sexual intimacy is not appropriate. We mean it as a principle, a picture of how femininity can arouse masculinity in many, many ways.”

As defined on www.dictionary.com, “Seduce” means: 1. To lead away from duty, accepted principles, or proper conduct. 2.To induce to engage in sex. 3. To entice or beguile into a desired state or position. 4. To win over; attract.

I wish Edredge would clarify his intended meaning of this word when he first uses it, seeing that the primary meanings in the dictionary have very negative connotations; I felt his usage of this word distracts from the point he tries to make. (If you went to see a movie titled "Seduction" would you expect to see good things???) Immediately following his initial comment, he describes a scene of sexual seduction between a husband and wife, then stating that this carries over far beyond sex and marriage.

He makes the point that allowing oneself to become vulnerable as a woman will often arouse a man to play the hero (I believe he uses the words, “rise to the occasion” p. 154.) He urges women to be inviting, instead of emasculating or desolate. Good point – I agree. What I take issue with is the example he uses, from the movie A Walk in the Clouds. He cites the main character’s wife as a bad example. She is not an arousing woman; therefore, he has an affair with a young Hispanic woman who is inviting, almost seeming to justify the man’s action. If his wife had been more alluring, he wouldn’t have looked elsewhere for affirmation.

Eldredge states (p. 151) that pornography addiction, for men, is “not about sex – it’s about validation.” Honestly, I have no idea whether or not this is true, not being a man myself. It’s an interesting point.

John & Stasi have some great things to say on the topic of looking to ANY human being – husband, wife, etc. – to fill us or validate us. They make it very clear that our primary validation must come from God alone (p. 153). I would have liked to see them explain along with this that God is a lot more than just a means of our validation, but still – good insights.

Almost finished - I promise!! Next is the topic of "Healing" (which is the main purpose of the book), and then some concluding thoughts.